Welcome October ...

... 1st October, 2009, morning ...

I’m at the allotment, sitting in beautiful warm autumnal sunshine.
The sky is bright blue and breezy.
Crispy leaves are rustling gently, as grass gracefully sways to and fro.
Magpies and crows are calling out to each other in the nearby trees, while sunshine is silently sparkling on the rippling surface of the pond.
Busy insects are out and about, enjoying the warm sun. Bees are gathering pollen from the catmint – which smells divine – hoverflies are pausing for a few moments here and there on lily pads, and wasps are weaving in and out of the branches of the apple tree.
Occasional butterflies appear for a few fleeting moments here and there – red admirals, looking quite majestic.
Blue tits chatter noisily now and again.
Bonfire smoke from a neighbour’s plot curls up, up and away, like dragons’ breath.
It’s so peaceful. I sit for a few more precious moments, cherishing it all – the sunshine on my face, the tranquillity, the whispering wind, the timelessness of it all...
Eventually I reluctantly look at my watch, and see that I need to tear myself away now. But I know that I’ll be back again soon... hopefully tomorrow – even if just for a few short moments. That’s long enough to lift my spirits up high for another day...
Even though life is busy and it sometimes feels that there aren’t enough hours in the day, just a few snatched moments of ‘me-time’ are enough to make everything feel alright... Well, better than ‘alright’ ... more like ‘wonderful’, ‘perfect’, ‘blissful’...
I said yesterday that I really feel I’m exactly where I want to be right now in life, and that sums it all up so perfectly ... It’s taken me a long time to get here, and it’s been a difficult journey at times; but now I’m here I know it’s been worth every step of the journey to get to this point in life; to a place which feels so right for me ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later ... While I was at the allotment, I had a nagging feeling at the back of my mind ... something about the date; October 1st ... Grannie & Grandad had been on my mind more than usual when I was there– I always think of them when I’m at the allotment, because so much of their time was spent in their garden or allotment ... Anyway, when I got home and checked my diary, I realised that today marks another year since Grandad passed away, like the gently falling autumn leaves ... So I’m so pleased I spent part of today at the allotment ...

Rip, Grandad, 12th June 1913 ~ 1st October 2003 ...



points to think about:

• are you getting enough 'me-time'?
• if not, what's stopping you?
• are you where you want to be in life right now?
• if not, what do you need to do to get there?

Goal for this month:

Get outdoors and enjoy the glorious colours of nature!

Have a fab October :)

Creativity and the Garden of Delights

Hello again!

In recent years, I've come to realise that creativity is such an important part of life... Our creativity is part of who we are, and how we express our creativity relates to how we express ourselves, or how we'd like to express ourselves...

The wikipedia definition of creativity is:

'Creativity is a mental and social process involving the generation of new ideas or concepts, or new associations of the creative mind between existing ideas or concepts.

Creativity is fueled by the process of either conscious or unconscious insight.

An alternative conception of creativeness is that it is simply the act of making something new.'

Creativity can be expression of our thoughts, feelings, dreams, etc, and can be in the form of music, art, writing, poetry, the clothes we wear, etc, etc, ...

How do you get in touch with your creativity??


There is no right or wrong, no good or bad ... what is important is to just DO IT!! Get in touch with your creativity today!!

“If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.”
Tina Turner

I find I tend to get in touch with my creativity most when I'm outdoors - that's where I get a lot of inspiration from. This is something I wrote yesterday, after doing some gardening - If I can get in touch with my creativity, then anyone can!!:

In the Garden of Delights

The sun is shining, warm and bright
Making my soul feel airy and light.
There’s a gentle, caressing, autumnal breeze
Blowing nodding grass and rustling leaves.
A smell of bonfire smoke is drifting by
And butterflies are dancing in the bright blue sky.
A crow calls out from a nearby tree
And a hover fly sits next to a bumble bee.
The air is perfumed with the sweetest smell
Of rosemary, lavender and sweet peas as well.
I sit for a few moments on my garden chair
Watching insects wandering here and there.
... Now I’ve got to tear myself away
But I’ll be back again soon for more work and play.
Bye bye garden I’ll come back soon
I hope you sleep gently under the silvery moon.

Love Life ... Live Love ...

Hello again,
Well, it's been a while since I last posted a blog - I've been rushed off my feet! Here is something I wrote earlier - thought I'd share it with you. Comments welcome, as always!
Thank you for reading!

Love Life ... Live Love ...

L ife is for loving and living and
O pening up – to yourself and to others and to all possibilities - and
V owing to love yourself first and foremost. Love (and life) is about
E njoying the journey- & learning from the wrong turns, dead ends & bumps & scrapes along the way...

L ove is letting go ... of fear, of past hurts, and of
I deas of what love ‘should’ be... Love is
F eeling a million different things at once...
E mbracing ... life... love ... each other, & the experience. Love is enjoying the journey, and learning from the bumps and scrapes along the way ...

Live, love and enjoy the journey; come what may.

©Alison Brown 2009

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter One

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.I am lost .... I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend that I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in this same place.

But, it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

by Portia Nelson

This is another powerful metaphor of life being like a journey ... we learn important lessons along the way ... such as making the same mistakes again and again, then learning to avoid mistakes we've made in the past ... self-responsibility ... making choices - such as choosing to go in a different direction ...

I was first introduced to Portia Nelson's work during my counselling training. Each time I read this, it makes more sense!

What do you think?

The First Swallow ...

Heralding that summer's begun,

Along with the warmth of the sun,

Swooping and soaring across the sea

Comes the airborne gymnast;

The first swallow.

Soon more will follow,

Reminding me of summers past

And summers yet to come.

Bringing promises of sunkissed days,

Balmy nights

And the scent of honeysuckle,

Roses and hay,

In the meadow where the horses neigh.

Determined bees

Dance in and out of foxglove trumpets ...

Al fresco feasts

Of strawberries and jam

Melting into warm toasted crumpets...

Crickets jump through lush green grass

Drunk on clover.

Then all too soon

The summer's over

And with a heavy heart

I know it's time for the swallows to depart

Once more;

Only to arrive on a distant shore

Making somebody else's heart soar

Once more

At the sight of their return.

And so the rhythms of life go on and on

With the rise and the fall of the sweet birds' song...

© Alison Brown

Ingredients for a Healthy Relationship ...

Since childhood, many of us have been encouraged to aim for, and achieve, the fairytale ending of falling in love and living 'happily ever after'. Yet we don't get to hear the more realistic truth, that once the honeymoon period is over, it isn't always a case of living happily ever after... So many marriages end in divorce nowadays, the fairytale ending seems like a myth. So where does it all go wrong? How does Prince or Princess Charming turn into Mr or Mrs Grumpy? How does a marriage made in heaven, end up more like hell?

Relationships go wrong for all sorts of reasons, including:

• unrealistic expectations
• communication problems
• getting stuck in a rut
• insecurity
• unresolved issues from the past
• dishonesty

- all of which can lead to feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction in the relationship.

So what are the ingredients of a healthy relationship?

Each relationship you have with another person reflects the relationship you have with yourself, writes Kimberly Kirberger. So perhaps the essential ingredient for a healthy relationship with your partner is to have a healthy relationship with yourself first and foremost. To be able to love another, it is essential to love your self. If you feel happy and secure in yourself, you will ensure that you have happiness and security in your relationships with others.

Other important ingredients of a healthy, stable, sustainable and nurturing relationship are:

· Good communication
· Trust
· Mutual respect

· Acceptance

· Support
· Equality
· Honesty

· Emotional and physical intimacy

· Touch

· Separate Identities
· Self responsibility
· Self love / esteem
· Ability to accept change and uncertainty
· Quality time together and separately

and, finally ...
· Just being yourself

Qutoes:

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

Dinah Craik

Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade.

Leo Buscaglia

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

A.A. Milne

Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.

Author Unknown

There are plenty of good books about relationship advice - try looking at http://www.amazon.co.uk/ if you're interested.

Counselling can help you explore your relationship problems in a safe environment. Often, just being able to talk things over can make a big difference.

Tip: Don't use counselling as a last resort! People often wait until they're on the verge of splitting up before they seek help - it's probably more effective to seek help as soon as the cracks start to appear ... but having said that, it's also 'better late than never'!

Finally ...

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.

Anthony Robbins

Mindfulness ...

It is widely believed that there are many benefits of incorporating the practice of mindfulness into our daily lives.

So what is mindfulness?

Put simply, it involves being aware of the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

How can it be achieved?

Mindfulness can be attained through daily meditation, learning to focus on the moment, and by quietening your inner dialogue (the constant chatter that goes through your mind). At first it takes time to learn how to quieten down your inner voices and thoughts, but once you've mastered the practice of mindfulness it becomes a way of being.

If you find it hard to switch off your inner dialogue try sitting quietly, just listening to relaxation music for a while. When a thought arises, visualise it rising out of the top of your head, then floating away like a delicate feather. It becomes easier the more you practice.

Benefits include:

Reduced stress and anxiety levels

Better sleep

Improved relationship with your self and others

Better concentration

A sense of inner peace and wellbeing

More compassion - for your self and others

Increased self-awareness and desire for authenticity

It can bring about improvements in physical and emotional health

It can be an effective part of treatment for addictions and cravings

Mindfulness can help relieve physical and emotional pain

It can be practiced anywhere - for as short or as long a period of time as you like.

No money is necessary!

Practicing a mindfulness meditation is a fabulous way to start the day. Even just 10 minutes can make a difference. It enables you to begin each day with a feeling of calmness and clarity. Spending moments of mindfulness regularly throughout each day will help you to focus on what matters and put distractions aside.

A Basic Mindfulness Exercise
A basic mindfulness exercise begins with sitting down, or lying down, relaxing and breathing deeply.

Close your eyes and pay attention to your breathing, following the breath in and out a few times. Don't try to breathe in any particular way; just be aware of the breaths as they come in and out.

Then move your attention to your body, one part at a time, noticing any sensations of cold, hot, tight, sore or anything you can identify. Start with your feet, and work your focus upwards, spending a moment focusing on each part of your body in turn.

Spend a few more moments just breathing ... in ... out ... in ... out ...

You might be aware of the sounds in or outside of the room. Accept these sounds without judging, criticising or thinking about them. Just listen for a minute. ...

When you're ready, open your eyes and take a couple of moments to adjust...

When focusing on your body, your breath, and your immediate surroundings in this way, you are more fully "in the moment." A mindfulness exercise like this puts your mind in a receptive state while removing mental distractions that hinder clear thinking. It leaves you ready to work mentally. Do this before important tasks and you'll find you have more focus and concentration.

Mindfulness Quotes

The practice of mindfulness begins in the small, remote cave of your unconscious mind and blossoms with the sunlight of your conscious life, reaching far beyond the people and places you can see.
Earon Davis

Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.

Thich Nhat Hanh

The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.
Thich Nhat Hanh

If we imagine that our mind is like the blue sky, and that across it pass thoughts as clouds, we can get a feel for that part of it which is other than our thoughts. The sky is always present; it contains the clouds and yet is not contained by them. So with our awareness. It is present and encompasses all our thoughts, feelings, and sensations; yet it is not the same as them. To recognize and acknowledge this awareness, with its spacious, peaceful quality, is to find a very useful resource within. We see that we need not identify with each thought just because it happens to occur. We can remain quiet and choose which thought we wish to attend to. And we can remain aware behind all these thoughts, in a state that offers an entirely new level of openness and insight.

From: How Can I Help? Stories and Reflection on Service, by Ram Dass and Paul Gorman

~~~

There are many, many books and CDs on mindfulness, if you'd like to know more. ..

The Journey ...

THE JOURNEY, by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice-
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognised as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do-
determined to save
the only life that you could save.

This powerful poem by Mary Oliver fits in nicely with yesterday's blog, on following your own path through life... It shows how much courage and determination it can take to walk away from one path and carve out a new one... It can mean making hard decisions, leaving others behind, saying 'no', being 'selfish' .. but to be truly authentic, you need to be brave enough to make painful choices if it means saving your soul ... and being true to your self ...

What do you think?

Did the words of the poem inspire you?

Are you on the right path?

comments welcome!

Preventing teen drinking problems ...

A good relationship with parents may prevent teen drinking problems, according to research published in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs (May 2009).

Teenagers who have a strong relationship with their parents may start drinking at a later age - which may, in turn, lessen their risk of developing alcohol problems, the study suggests.

A high-quality relationship is one where teenagers feel they can discuss their problems with their parents and that their parents respect their feelings.

Such parent-child relationships can "trigger a spiral of healthy development during adolescence" that may lead to a lower risk of alcohol problems.

Parents need to be aware of how important they are when it comes to their children's risk of alcohol abuse. Being attentive to their children's needs in general, the report notes, may be one way to protect them from developing drinking problems.

• Are you a parent of a teenager?
  

• How good is your relationship with your child?

• How well do you communicate with him/her? - Remember that 'listening' is just as important as 'talking'.
  

• Have you talked to them about 'sensible drinking'?
  

• Do you set a good example, by drinking responsibly and in moderation?
  
  

Underage drinking poses real risks to teenagers. Not only does alcohol consumption have physical risks, but drinking puts children at risk for a host of other problems. Children who drink are often unaware of the harm that they are doing to themselves, so it is up to parents to do all that they can to keep their kids safe.

• For more info on the research click here: http://tiny.cc/3LZoX
• For info on underage drinking click here: http://tiny.cc/wEI02
• For tips on what to do, click here: http://tiny.cc/nC5al
• For tips on parenting teenagers click here: http://tiny.cc/SAobQ

If you'd like more support and you live in, or near to, Tyne and Wear, please don't hesistate to contact me. I am a the parent of a teenager, and I have experience of supporting other parents of teenagers. Counselling can be a valuable source of emotional support, and can help you to look at things differently, explore your feelings, and it provides you with a safe environment in which to explore your concerns. Email me: mail@abcounselling.com

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.

Doug Larson

Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.

Virginia Satir

Chooisng your path ...

Life is like a journey... sometimes the path is difficult and thankfully sometimes it's gentler. It's perhaps essential that we follow a path that enables us to be authentic; real, happy and fulfilled. Other people, even those we love & respect, sometimes question the path we choose, but don't let this be an obstacle. If you listen carefully to your inner voice, you'll find that you know, deep down, which is the right path for you. Let your intuition guide you. Don't let the voices of those who question you weigh you down, like stones in your pockets; slowing you down, holding you back. Be brave. Your inner lantern will always light the way.

“Other people may be there to help us, teach us, guide us along our path, but the lesson to be learned is always ours.”

(unknown author)

How is your journey through life going right now?

Do you feel that you are following the right path?

If not, it is possible to change direction and follow a new path....

If you feel you're lost, have gone in the wrong direction, or that you can't even see the path, don't worry! Sometimes it is taking the accidental twists and turns that allow us to see a bigger picture or a new direction that we hadn't even considered before.

... However, on the whole, it is a good idea to have a plan, a map, before embarking on a journey, otherwise we might not actually get very far, we might get lost, or we might end up going round in circles.

What plans have you got for your journey through life?

What are your hopes and fears?

Where would you like to be in 6 months? A year? 5 years time?

If you don't know, counselling can help you get a clearer idea of which direction you want your path through life to be going in... especially if you're feeling lost or that you're going in the wrong direction...

A counsellor won't show you the way, tell you what to do, or lead you in any way. Your counsellor will 'walk alongside you' for a while, until you feel ready and empowered to continue along the next stage of your journey unaided...

March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path.

Kahlil Gibran

The longest journey through life, is down the path that leads us Home.
Tony G.

Clouds will part ...

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colour to my sunset sky.”

Rabindranath Tagore

A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such a speed...It feels an impulsion...this is the place to go now. But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons.

Richard Bach


We can speak without voice to the trees and the clouds and the waves of the sea. Without words they respond through the rustling of leaves and the moving of clouds and the murmuring of the sea.

Paul Tillich


Forests, lakes, and rivers, clouds and winds, stars and flowers, stupendous glaciers and crystal snowflakes - every form of animate or inanimate existence, leaves its impress upon the soul of man.

Orison Swett Marden


It you feel that clouds are hiding the sunshine in your life, remember that the sunshine will return. We wouldn't appreciate the sunshine so much if we didn't know what it was like to be shrouded in cloud from time to time ...


Spending time in nature helps put things back in perspective. Take a look here for a reminder of the beauty of nature: //http://corcholat.com/!BT8

A Daily Reflection

Early morning sunlight meets the sea...

I vow to remember that today is a new day

Full of new beginnings and fresh moments

Today, I will not cling to events of yesterday nor yesteryear

But stay connected with what today brings.

I will not madly pursue my desires at the expense of others

Nor flee from challenging tasks.

I will remain true to the unfolding process of today

Without losing myself in thoughts of what was or what might be.

I will treat today with awareness and sensitivity

Even in the most ordinary of tasks.

I will apply myself wholeheartedly to the fullness of today

For I know that today holds the resource for authenticity.

By Christopher Titmuss

Hope you like this as much as I do!

• In what ways are you going to apply yourself wholeheartedly to today?

• In what ways are you going to be authentic today?

... I'm going to take some time out to walk, reflect, write a little, and be in nature ...

Hope you have a lovely, fulfilling day, too.

Intimacy v Solitude ...

'We all need time alone, and time with others'

~ writes Shakti Gawain, in her book 'Awakening' ...

she adds:

'We all need a minimum amount of time to be with ourselves each day. It's important to give ourselves that, no matter how many people there are who need us. (In fact, if you have many people who need you, you probably need more time alone than most!)
It's a time when we can connect to who we really are and what we really need. It's a way to connect with our inner knowingness.
As well as alone time, we also need the feeling of closeness and connection to others. '

An Affirmation:
'I recognise my need for being alone and for being together. I give myself both.'

Things to reflect upon ...

~ It's a case of trying to get a healthy balance between solitude and togetherness. And that balance will differ for each of us ... and it will also differ on different days ... on some days, we might crave company ... whereas on other days, we crave isolation more ...

Questions ...

How healthy is your balance, between having 'alone time' and 'together time'?

Are there any changes you'd like to make?

What will you have to do, to put these changes in place?

Do you generally prefer being on your own, or with company?

Has this always been the case?

~~~~

pic © Alison Brown; Allen Banks, Northumberland, UK

Passing Judgement ...

'Of all the judgements we pass in life, none is more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves'

by Nathaniel Branden

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What do you think?

Are there times in life when you judge yourself harshly?

Are you able to forgive yourself easily & move on?

- please feel free to comment! -