Ingredients for a Healthy Relationship ...

Since childhood, many of us have been encouraged to aim for, and achieve, the fairytale ending of falling in love and living 'happily ever after'. Yet we don't get to hear the more realistic truth, that once the honeymoon period is over, it isn't always a case of living happily ever after... So many marriages end in divorce nowadays, the fairytale ending seems like a myth. So where does it all go wrong? How does Prince or Princess Charming turn into Mr or Mrs Grumpy? How does a marriage made in heaven, end up more like hell?

Relationships go wrong for all sorts of reasons, including:

• unrealistic expectations
• communication problems
• getting stuck in a rut
• insecurity
• unresolved issues from the past
• dishonesty

- all of which can lead to feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction in the relationship.

So what are the ingredients of a healthy relationship?

Each relationship you have with another person reflects the relationship you have with yourself, writes Kimberly Kirberger. So perhaps the essential ingredient for a healthy relationship with your partner is to have a healthy relationship with yourself first and foremost. To be able to love another, it is essential to love your self. If you feel happy and secure in yourself, you will ensure that you have happiness and security in your relationships with others.

Other important ingredients of a healthy, stable, sustainable and nurturing relationship are:

· Good communication
· Trust
· Mutual respect

· Acceptance

· Support
· Equality
· Honesty

· Emotional and physical intimacy

· Touch

· Separate Identities
· Self responsibility
· Self love / esteem
· Ability to accept change and uncertainty
· Quality time together and separately

and, finally ...
· Just being yourself

Qutoes:

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

Dinah Craik

Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade.

Leo Buscaglia

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

A.A. Milne

Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.

Author Unknown

There are plenty of good books about relationship advice - try looking at http://www.amazon.co.uk/ if you're interested.

Counselling can help you explore your relationship problems in a safe environment. Often, just being able to talk things over can make a big difference.

Tip: Don't use counselling as a last resort! People often wait until they're on the verge of splitting up before they seek help - it's probably more effective to seek help as soon as the cracks start to appear ... but having said that, it's also 'better late than never'!

Finally ...

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.

Anthony Robbins