Suicide...

Suicide. Just one word, but it says so much... Just hearing the word, just writing it, feels painful and conjures up so many emotions; so many  questions...

Yesterday, September 10th was World Suicide Prevention Day. People around the world showed their support by lighting a candle at 8pm. Today is a new day, but you can still show your support by lighting a candle at any time and spending a moment thinking of all those whose lives have been afftected by suicide...

You can make a difference in other ways too, and it can take as little as 5 minutes. By familiarising yourself with the warning signs that someone may be suicidal, you really can make a difference - and by talking about it it can help remove the taboo around suicide and mental health problems...

It's suprising how many people have been affected by suicide - whether they themselves have had suicidal thoughts, or they may have friends or family who have been suicidal or who have tragically taken their lives... 

Each year as many as 1,000,000 people are estimated to die by suicide across the globe; many, many more make nonfatal attempts. (The International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP).


Warning signs of suicide include the following:

Threatening to hurt or kill oneself

Looking for ways to kill oneself; seeking access to pills, weapons or other means

Talking or writing about death, dying, or suicide

Expressing hopelessness

Feeling worthless, feeling there's no reason for living, no sense of purpose in life

Feeling rage or anger, seeking revenge

Acting recklessly or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinking

Feeling trapped, like there is no way out

Increasing alcohol or drug use

Withdrawing from family, friends, or society

Experiencing anxiety or agitation, being unable to sleep or sleeping all the time

Undergoing dramatic changes in mood
____________________________

More info can be found here: http://survive.org.uk/suicide.html

Losing someone to suicide must surely be one of the hardest types of bereavement to deal with. It's vital to have support through the process of grieving and trying to come to terms with this tragedy... “More Than One Soul Dies In A Suicide”... Loss by suicide undoubedtly changes lifes for ever, but it is possible to find a way to move on and to find new meaning from life ...

“The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.”  Ben Okri

If you're feeling down, or are concerned about a friend or family member, please don't keep it to yourself. Talking really does help.

Never, never, never give up ~ Winston Churchill

-this is so true - never give up ... keep on trying ... remember that every day is a fresh start ...

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Do you need to talk? Appointments are available now - no waiting list

Not Broken

Hello again - I apologise for not blogging for a while - things have been rather hectic, as I've been trying to catch up on piles of neglected paperwork now that I'm feeling more focussed and, dare I say it, I'm slowly but surely beginning to get back on top of things.

I had a sudden burst of creativity earlier this evening and wrote a couple of poems. I decided to record one of them - it's the first time I've ever taken the plunge and gone through with the fleeting thought of making a video of a poem... so while I'm feeling brave, I thought I'd share it on my blog:

If for any reason it doesn't work on my blog, here's a link to it on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikuGP4Fgi1Q

When the going gets tough ...

Have you ever noticed how it sometimes feels like life seems to kick you when you're already down? One bad thing after another seems to strike again and again and again? And you feel so close to breaking point that you just can't imagine being able to cope with one more thing? And then one more thing happens, and you somehow DO cope - you get through it, even though you felt you couldn't take anymore... And what a feeling it is to one day be able to look back on these hard times, and be amazed that you managed to get through it...

For me the last few weeks have been some of the hardest, most challenging, most painful weeks of my life. One thing after another seems to be thundering down on me, and I have felt close to breaking point at times. I have been depleted of all my inner resources - completely physically and emotionally drained... I was just beginning to feel that I was turning a corner, then another blow struck.

Yesterday I discovered someone cloned my bank card and they've withdrawn all of my money, so this months rent hasn't been paid - and the bank said I might not get the money back. This really felt like the final straw - on top of all the other blows I've been dealing with, I just felt like I didn't have the strength or energy to cope with sorting this out, even though in the grander scheme of things, it's quite a minor thing compared to the other things I've been trying to cope with...

Yet at the same time, I knew deep down that I WOULD get through this. Even though I felt like collapsing and giving up, a little voice inside me was saying:

'I won't let this knock me down!!! I'm a survivor!'

I went to bed last night, not knowing how on earth I would be feeling in the morning...

But I woke up and wrote this in my journal:

So today a new day dawns, filling me with renewed strength & the determination to keep on going, despite the latest blow ....

I know I'll survive - I'm sure I'll look back one day, and be proud of myself for getting through all this... Life's challenges are what makes us stronger. Without these challenges we maybe wouldn't really appreciate the good times, and all the beauty there is in the world... I know deep down that things will get better and that good things surely lie ahead...

~~~

If you're going through a bad time too, have faith. Things will get better.

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength

by 'unknown'

You have to trust in yourself

You must believe in yourself

You have to follow your heart

You overcome, improve, endure

Machine Head song lyrics

Be open to possibilities ...

See Problems as Challenges,

See Lows creating space for New Highs,

See Endings as New Beginnings,

And a World of Infinite Possibilities will open up for you.

John Whiteman

... sometimes it is so hard to turn what feels like a great big negative into something positive. Sometimes all we can do is accept that, for whatever reason, we are enveloped in a bleak, miserable darkness. But, however dark, lonely and isolating this place is, there is almost always the glimmer of faith and hope that things will get better. This glimmer of hope, however faint, is what helps us get through the bleakest times.

And, once we start to emerge from the dark, we can reflect on what we have learnt, and we can reflect on new possibilties that are now opening up to us, possibilities that evaded us when we were at the lowest point.

Being open to possibilities is to go with the flow, in a state of childlike curiosity, without having expectations of how things 'should' be ... It is to have an optimistic outlook, and to accept the rough with the smooth ... it is to live life fully, in a state of awareness and acceptance... It is to have a balanced, realistic approach to life ... it is to be prepared to take risks, to say 'yes' more often ... it is to turn 'impossible' into 'i'm possible' or 'it's possible' ... it is to be fully engaged in the moment, with yourself, your relationships, with life ... it is to accept change and setbacks and losses and bumps and scrapes and to learn from these experiences, rather than being bitter and resentful and withdrawing as a result of the pain ...

Being open to possibilities is to live life with an open heart and soul.

Being open to possibilities is easier said than done, but I'm determined to get there! Even though my heart and soul feel like they've been shredded into a million pieces right now, I know that the only way forward is it pick up the pieces, put them back together, and to open up my heart and soul ... To really embrace life and all it has to offer... All I have to do is believe that it's possible ... I KNOW it is possible ... I've had to pick up the pieces so many times before ... I can do it again ... I believe in myself, and I know I'll get through this...

If you're going through a bad time at the moment, never doubt yourself - you can and you will get through this...

We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.
Thich Nhat Hanh

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.

Mahatma Gandhi

You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.
Ralph Marston

Choose to see the light and the possiblity of real freedom, rather than the bars across the window...

Learning and Growing...

After a While

After a while you learn

The subtle difference between

Holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes ahead

With the grace of a woman

Not the grief of a child

And you learn

To build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow's ground is

Too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way

Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn

That even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting

For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn

That you really can endure

That you are really strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn and you learn

With every good bye you learn

Veronica A. Shoffstall

Life has so much to teach us. Open your heart and learn all there is to learn about life, love, yourself, your friends, family, neighbours, community, country, the world ...

Despite all the pain and sorrow in life, and in the the world, there is so much beauty, so much joy, so much hope. So much to learn and understand, and accept. Even though we don't always understand, and even though there isn't always an answer, we can learn and grow through all experiences life has to offer - good and bad. Sometimes we choose to close our eyes and our heart and soul, and we shut ourselves away, refusing to take more risks, afraid of yet more pain... but in doing this, we miss out on fully experiencing the good times too...

Believe that you are strong. You have the courage to endure the darkest times, and to emerge with courage, faith and hope...

“In the darkest hour the soul is replenished and given strength to continue and endure.”

(unknown author)

Courage

I’ve been thinking about courage this morning ... What exactly is ‘courage’? Courage is ‘the ability to confront fear, pain [and] uncertainty ’ is a definition on wikipedia...

Courage is something I’ve needed a lot of over the last few weeks, and some days it seems to be pulsating through me, like lifeblood, whereas on other days it’s a tiny little whisper hidden away somewhere deep inside me and it needs to be gently coaxed out ...

‘Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow’ (Mary Anne Radmacher). I love this quote – it was something I really needed to gently remind myself when I was having a really tough day a few weeks back. Also, ‘courage is being afraid but going on anyhow’ ( Dan Rather)...

To me, courage is what gets me through the toughest times. It’s the inner flame that guides me on even in the darkest hour, but sometimes the flame is tiny and faltering, or it goes out altogether, whereas sometimes it’s blazing like a beacon, confidently leading me forward.

Courage is to take a step forward even though the way ahead is uncertain... And, let’s face it, nothing in life is certain except death ... but even then, there is so much uncertainty about death... it is the end of one phase of life, but maybe it marks the beginning of something new... But let’s not dwell too much on death. Living is what matters right now...

‘Sometimes even to live is an act of courage’ ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca.

Sometimes, just living one moment at a time, taking one step at a time, takes so much courage it almost seems impossible, yet at other times, it seems effortless to glide forward in leaps and bounds ... but it is in those times where it takes all the courage we can muster to get through each moment, that we really learn and grow... and we become stronger and more resilient ... Like the oak tree that lasts for hundreds of years, it takes time to grow steadily and slowly, and to endure life’s storms...

... Anyway, I’d better draw this blog to a close, because at the mention of trees my mind is wandering onto the topic of gardening, and I’m wishing I’d gone along to my allotment now! Never mind ... it’s been therapeutic to have a morning of being at home with my cats, doing some inner-reflecting and generally loafing around...

Here’s a poem I came across earlier:


IT GIVES MY SOUL COURAGE
it gives my soul courage
to know the impossible
is achievable
and i need
neither to be the strongest
nor the wisest
i need
only to be the best i can be
~lungelo mbatha


Finally, here’s an affirmation:
‘I have the courage to keep going.’

What are your thoughts on courage?
How courageous are you feeling right now?
What inner resources do you draw on to get you through the bad times?

I heal...

I wrote this a few months after my mum died, and the words still ring true today ... I posted it on my other blog a few years ago, so I apologise if you've already seen it! ...

A Few Snatched Moments

Sitting outside
All is calm
I am at peace
Life feels good
Life goes on
Time heals
Nature heals
I heal
Step by step
I heal.

A Brown

Sunday Soul Searching ...

Hello, it's been a long time since I've updated my blog...

A recent sudden bereavement has prompted me to start writing again - writing, gardening and yoga (along with my amazing daughter) are what got me through the loss of my mum five years ago, and now that I'm going through another terrible loss, I'm making sure to throw myself into what I know I need to do - writing and gardening again, although I'm replacing yoga with walking this time around, but meditation and reiki self-treatments are a big help too...

This is what I wrote earlier:

Sunday morning, 21st March 2010

... I'm at the allotment in the lovely warm sunshine, listening to Sufjan Stevens and cheerful birdsong.

It's such a beautiful day.The sky is so blue.

A lovely plump bumble bee has just flown round me in a circle...I saw my first ladybird of the year today. I disturbed him underneath some foxglove leaves.Daffodils are open in the sunshine; yellow and cheerful...

I'm amazed that the woman a few plots down is finding pleasure in moaning loudly about everyone and everything. Why can't she be quiet for a moment and open her eyes to the beauty that is all around us?

Despite all the pain and sorrow in life, there are moments of real, astounding beauty and harmony - these moments are so startling and so precious, and I feel so blessed that despite the sadness I am enveloped in, I am still open to the love, hope, beauty and light that is always present, even in the darkest hour...

Without the darkness, how would we be able to see the light?

I am open to all the expereiences life has to offer me - good and bad. There is so much to learn, through the laughter and tears ... but most of what I learn comes to me in these moments of clarity; in the stillness and solitude ... that is why I find myself withdrawing at times ... it's because I need times of solitude in which to learn and grow and discover more about myself, about life, death, and so much more ...

And with this awareness, I find peace; steadily rising up from somewhere deep within me...
Peace, and the strength and courage to keep on going... to keep going forward, step by step, day by day ...

We all need to find our own way forward... If you are going through tough times at the moment, take some time to really listen to your inner voice inside ... let it guide you forward in a way that is appropriate for you... trust yourself ... you know what you need to do right now..