I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one...

 

Peace...

Today, 30th January is a Festival of Peace; a day that is dedicated to the Roman Goddess Pax...

so I thought I'd do a quick little blog with a couple of quotes about peace:

If in our daily life we can smile,

if we can be peaceful and happy,

not only we, but everyone

will profit from it. This

is the most basic kind

of peace work.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

~~~

If we are to live together in peace, we must come to know each other better.

— Lyndon Baines Johnson

This is so true... and, above all, we must come to know ourselves better, as well as each other, if we are to live in peace...
Think about how you can live a more peaceful life...
- & please feel free to share your tips, thoughts, ideas, etc! xx  

wandering through wonderland...

Just a quick little blog to say that I've started a new blog: http://ali-aquarius.blogspot.com/

It's going to be an autobiography, once I've decided how to start it!

You're welcome to join me on my wonderings and wanderings about my past...

I'll still be keeping this one going too.

pic from google images

This Will Pass...

Hello again,

'Anxiety' is a theme that's coming up quite frequently in my work with clients at the moment. I was thinking about this earlier, and a previous client suddenly sprung to mind.

He was really struggling with anxiety issues, and we spent a lot of time exploring this, working through it, looking at coping strategies, and so on. Acceptance of the anxiety seemed to be a real turning point. Rather than constantly battling against it, or trying to control it, just being able to accept and admit 'I feel anxious' seemed to lift a lot of pressure and bring about a sense of relief.

Another thing that really helped this particular client when he felt anxious was to repeat a phrase he had heard:

'This will pass'

I was grateful to him for sharing this with me in the very next session after he had first heard it on the radio and, as soon as that session ended, I wrote it on a card and pinned it to my notice board.

'This will pass'

If you're concerned that I'm breaching client confidentiality in sharing this, please don't be alarmed. This particular client was so grateful for his positive experience of counselling that, when his counselling came to an end, he desperately wanted to help other people who struggle with anxiety in some way. He wrote an open letter for me to share, at my discretion, with other clients who were struggling as he had, so I know he'd be pleased for me to share this story for the benefit of others.

'This will pass'

I wondered where this phrase came from originally, so I did a little bit of research into it this morning. This is what I discovered:

This too shall pass (Hebrew: גם זה יעבור‎, gam zeh ya'avor) is a saying commonly used to offer condolences or sympathy to someone in pain or suffering... "King Solomon once searched for a cure against depression. He assembled his wise men together. They meditated for a long time and gave him the following advice: Make yourself a ring and have thereon engraved the words 'This too will pass.' The King carried out the advice. He had the ring made and wore it constantly. Every time he felt sad and depressed, he looked at the ring, whereon his mood would change and he would feel cheerful" -(Israel Folklore Archive)

I really like that idea! Also, a ring is a circle, and there's something really soothing about circles, I feel. The smooth edges, and feeling of continuity; seamless and neverending. Wikipedia notes that 'The circle has been known since before the beginning of recorded history. Natural circles would have been observed, such as the Moon, Sun, and a short plant stalk blowing in the wind on sand, which forms a circle shape in the sand.'

And so the circle of life continues... The process of self awareness is almost like a circle too. The starting point is you; you go off on the voyage of self discovery, but you always end up coming back to yourself; back to where the journey began... but with more awareness than you had when you began the journey ...

Which reminds me of another theme that is emerging in my work at the moment: existentialism. But I'll maybe save that theme for another blog!

Anyway, I hope this has been helpful in some way. Next time you're feeling anxious, upset, or afraid, try repeating the phrase a few times and see if it helps...

'This will pass'

Nuts...

Apparently yesterday was Squirrel Appreciation Day in America, so I thought I'd do a quick little blog in honour of squirrels today. The photos and videos were taken on holiday in Jan 2009.

I love squirrels! ♥

'One autumn when the nuts were

ripe, and the leaves on the hazel

bushes were golden and green--

Nutkin and Twinkleberry and all the

other little squirrels came out of the

wood, and down to the edge of the lake...'

~ Beatrix Potter

Wonderland...

This was the first song to play on my ipod this morning. I love the dreamlike sounds - I could just drift away to it.... I was thrilled to find this video when I did a little search on youtube - it seems to go so well with the music. I love the retro yet timeless feel it has. People of all  ages enjoy spending time on the beach... Hope you like it too! xx

Letting go...

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

- Havelock Ellis

I thought I'd write a quick little blog on the subject of relationships today - or, more precisely - letting go of certain relationships...

 It struck me that in the previous blog - and possibly in some of my other blogs too - that I've mentioned that certain relationships in my family have deteriorated. It struck me that it might seem strange to some people that a counsellor's relationships with family members have gone off-track, so I just thought I'd write a bit more about the process here.

In the process of personal development, self growth, self awareness, counselling, & training to be a counsellor, we tend to examine relationships in our life, and the impact these have had on us. But mainly, we explore the relationship we have with our self. Self discovery is an amazing and enriching journey. Through a long, complex, gentle, soul-searching, at times painful, but overall enlightening process, I have developed a deep awareness and acceptance of myself, and who I am. I have grown to love and respect myself, and I now have a strong feeling of self worth.

Through the counselling / PD process, the desire to become more and more what you are, to become everything that you are capable of becoming, cannot be ignored. One of the beliefs underpinning Person Centred therapy (Carl Rogers) is that for a person to be 'fully functioning', to be on their 'right path', one of the things that is necessary is to have an internal, rather than external 'Locus of Evaluation'. This means that to be happy in oursleves, we need to take note of our internal evaluations; our feelings and intuition (gut instinct), rather than listening too much to what other people say. And rather than seeking approval of others, we need to give ourselves approval. 

So, all in all, we start to change as individuals, once we enter the process of self-discovery. We become more authentic. We do things to please our self, rather than others. We realise that we deserve to be treated with respect, compassion and consideration. This starts to impact on our relationships with other people.

 Some people will love and embrace the 'new you', whereas others won't undertand. They won't like the fact that you now sometimes say 'no', when you always used to say 'yes'. They might be uncomfortable with the fact that you now voice your opinions, rather than staying quiet, to keep  the peace. They might not like the fact that you become more assertive. They might feel threatened by you. People who really matter will celebrate the new you and will be proud of you, but there will always be some who are afraid of change, and who want you to stay as you were.

So a painful part of the process of living authentically is to reach a point where it becomes necessary, for your own peace of mind, to 'let go' of some relationships in life. This doesn't mean that you become bitter and resentful. It means that you realise that you don't have to put up with emotional abuse and blackmail just becuase 'he's your dad and he loves you, so you  have to make peace with him'. Just like an abused woman shouldn't be told to stay because 'he's your husband and he loves you'.

I've reached a point where I can no longer accept being judged, put down, being treated disrespectfully, being emotionally abused, criticised, treated unfairly, etc, etc. Also, I think it's an important lesson to teach my daughter. Far too many people end up in abusive relationships becuase they're following the patterns set by others.

I understand that just because I've changed, it doesn't mean that everyone else should accept the changes in me. I realise that some people are uncomfortable with the new me. So, rather than clinging onto realtionships that make me unhappy, I've decided to let go, with love and compassion; with understanding and acceptance. I hope it won't always be like this - I have faith in human's potential to grow and learn, so maybe one day relationships can be rebuilt. But, for now, I feel liberated and free from the debilitating patterns of old behaviours. It's vital to move on. But painful - I won't deny that. But pain is part of life.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

Kahlil Gibran

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.

- Raymond Lindquist

Anyway, I hope all this has made sense, and has maybe been helpful in some way!

My Name Is...



What's in a Name?

I've been thinking about names quite a lot lately...

I was at a workshop quite a while ago where one of the introductory ice-breaking exercises was to talk about our name - what it is, why we were called that, what it means, whether or not we like it, whether we prefer to be called by our full name, or by an abbreviated form of it, and so on... It was really interesting to hear everyone's wide range of feelings about their name, and what an emotive subject it can be.... 

As a counsellor, it's really important to check what clients prefer to be called - calling someone by their full name, for example, might remind them of being in trouble in childhood, and of all the implications of what that meant... or calling someone by an abbreviated form of their name might instantly remind them of their late partner calling them by this name... so it's vital to treat names with a degree of sensitivity...

A name can have so many complex layers of meaning that go far beyond the actual letters that make up the name...

A child whose name has a lot of different letters might take much longer to learn to write their name compared to a child with a name made up of just 3 or 4 letters...  What impact will this have on them in the classroom?

What if you were given the same name as your mother, father or grandparent? Are you expected to take on their personality traits too?

What if you were given a name that really doesn't suit your personality? If you were called 'Sunny' or 'Joy' yet you have quite a miserable personality?

How does 'Apple' - child of Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow-  feel about her name?

How does it feel to be the only child in the school who has an unusual name? - I think my daughter Iona quite likes having an unusual name, but I'm sure at times she has maybe wished she was called something else...

My name 'Alison' means 'truth' and 'noble'. That kind of fits, I think - 'truth' is very important to me - I absolutely can't stand lies - lying to me is one of the worst things anyone could possibly do to me.

I've no idea why that name was chosen for me, and now I'll never know...

I don't dislike my name, but I much prefer being called 'Ali' rather then 'Alison'. Friends and close family call me 'Ali' - it would feel quite strange if someone close called me Alison. Yet professionally, I introduce myself as 'Alison' - maybe because it feels more grown up, more respectable, than 'Ali'. But I'm finding it more and more unsettling to be called Alison now...

'Ali' is who I am. Maybe that was my first chance of a bit of independence - calling myself 'Ali', even though my dad preferred the full name to be used. Maybe now, because our relationship has broken down irreparably, it just grates on me more and more... At the moment, each time someone says 'Alison', I feel myself tense up, and almost shudder... It really is amazing what an impact just a few letters can have...

But it can't all be bad - there are a couple of songs I like that have my name in them; this being one of them (Alison's starting to happen, by the lemonheads!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I6mvK3k6SM&feature=fvw

Our names are labels, plainly printed on the bottled essence of our past behavior

~ Logan Pearsall Smith

My name may have buoyancy enough to float upon the sea of time 

~ Richard Watson Gilder

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. 

Dennis Frakes

How do you feel about your name?

With or without...

Without You...

Last year

The clock slowly ticked away

Every minute, every hour; every day.

And now, suddenly, a new year begins.

The first year

Without you.

You died last year;

In the last decade.

It feels so final now, somehow.

You are in the past...

And now I sit here, in the present,

Watching a fine drizzle

Washing away memories...

Making then fade a little further

Out of reach.

Like the tide wiping the slate clean

On the beach.

But you still return to haunt me

In dreams.

We never could completely let go;

Clinging onto the security blanket

That was once our love...

A love that became a binding rope

That took away all hope

Of release.

 But now you've set us free.

And with a deepening sense of inner peace,

I start to adapt to a future without you,

And I know that love will see me through;

Love

will see

me

through...

♥

a strange thing just happened as I wrote this - my phone rang, but there was no-one there, but then a recorded voice just said 'goodbye', then the line went dead...

A little birdhouse in your soul...

Today I've been thinking about birds... Earlier, I was looking out of the window at the still blue sea and pale pink sky, feeling deep inside me a real sense of connectedness and peace. All of a sudden, a flock of birds rose up from the sea, their wings shimmering in  the light, and bathed in the pink glow of the sky, They looked as if they could be a flock of angels...

I began to think about how many stories, myths and legends there are that involve birds... From the dove sent from Noah's ark, to the stork that brings the newborn baby, to the phoenix that rises from the ashes, birds seem to feature heavily in a rich diversity of folklore from almost since time began...

In Karelia (Finland) there was an ancient belief in the Sielulintu or Soul bird. The Sielulintu was thought to deliver the soul to newborn babies and  to also  transport the soul to the afterlife at the moment of death. It was believed the Sielulintu protected a person's soul at its most vulnerable; when dreaming. It was tradition to keep a carved wooden bird by the bedside to keep the soul safe during sleep. The "soul-bird" protected the soul from being lost in the paths of dreams...

I have a lovely little book called 'The Soul Bird'. by Michal Snunit, who was born on a Kibbutz, Ein Hahoresh, in Israel, which was established by her parents. Wikipedia explains that 'the relationship between ourselves and our soul is explained in this gentle, poetic story, which was written for children and has since become an international bestseller for all ages.' I thoroughly recommend it! In the meantime, here's an extract for you: 

Soul Bird

Deep down,

inside our bodies,

lives the soul.

No one has ever seen it,

but we all know it's there.

Not only do we know it's there,

we know what's in it, too.

Inside the soul,

right in the very middle of it,

there is a bird standing on one foot.

This is the soul bird.

It feels everything we feel.

When someone hurts our feelings,

the soul bird runs round and round in pain

When someone loves us,

it hops and skips

up and down

backwards and forwards

When someone calls our name,

it listens carefully

to hear what kind of call it is.

When someone is angry with us,

it curls itself into a ball

and is silent and sad.

And when someone hugs us,

the soul bird, deep down inside,

grows and grows

until it almost fills us.

That's how good it feels when someone hugs us.

...

All of the above photos were taken around Warkworth, Northumberland one day in August 2010

Make sure to feed and nurture your soul bird, and listen to its unique song!

You Can Call Me Al...



The pictures in this post are from http://www.josephinewall.co.uk/



 I've probably posted this poem before in my previous blog, but it seemed to be calling out to be posted again (excuse the pun!):

The Call

I have heard it all my life,

A voice calling a name I recognized as my own.

Sometimes it comes as a soft-bellied whisper.

Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.

But always it says: Wake up my love. You are walking asleep.

There's no safety in that!

Remember what you are and let this knowing

take you home to the Beloved with every breath.

Hold tenderly who you are and let a deeper knowing

colour the shape of your humanness.

There is nowhere to go. What you are looking for is right here.

Open the fist clenched in wanting and see what you already hold in your hand.

There is no waiting for something to happen,

no point in the future to get to.

All you have ever longed for is here in this moment, right now.

You are wearing yourself out with all this searching.

Come home and rest.

How much longer can you live like this?

Your hungry spirit is gaunt, your heart stumbles. All this trying.

Give it up!

Let yourself be one of the God-mad,

faithful only to the Beauty you are.

Let the Lover pull you to your feet and hold you close,

dancing even when fear urges you to sit this one out.

Remember- there is one word you are here to say with your whole being.

When it finds you, give your life to it. Don't be tight-lipped and stingy.

Spend yourself completely on the saying.

Be one word in this great love poem we are writing together.

© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Call, Harper Collins, 2003

illustrations by Josephine Wall: http://www.josephinewall.co.uk/

Now, more than ever, seems to be a time of listening to our own inner voices, of being authentic and true to ourselves, and to spread ripples of love throughout the world... self-love, as well as love for each other; love for life, and for the wonderful world in which we live...

What do you think?
Have you heard the call?
Have you answered it?
...


Thinking in Pictures - 2010

Welcoming in the New Year, and saying 'goodbye' to 2010. Newcastle ^

As you no doubt know by now, I love taking photos... In this blog, I've included a photo I've taken during each month of 2010, along with words by Sara Coleridge. Hope you enjoy!

  

 

The Months

(words by Sara Coleridge, photos by me)

January brings the snow,

Makes our feet and fingers glow.

New Years Day, 1st Jan 2010

February brings the rain,

Thaws the frozen lake again.

Kielder Water, 14th Feb 2010

March brings breezes loud and shrill,
stirs the dancing daffodil.



Mothers day, March 2010



April brings the primrose sweet,
Scatters daises at our feet.



Lake District, Easter; April 2010



May brings flocks of pretty lambs,

Skipping by their fleecy damns.

Evolution Festival, May 2010



June brings tulips, lilies, roses,

Fills the children's hand with posies.

Summer solstice sunset, June 2010

Hot july brings cooling showers,

Apricots and gillyflowers.



Kendal Calling festival, July 2010

 

August brings the sheaves of corn,

Then the harvest home is borne.



Holywell Dene, August 2010

 Warm september brings the fruit,


Sportsmen then begin to shoot.



Allotment apples; Sept 2010



Fresh October brings the pheasants,

Then to gather nuts is pleasant.

Conker, October 2010

Dull November brings the blast,

Then the leaves are whirling fast.

Cemetery, November 2010

Chill December brings the sleet,
Blazing fire, and Christmas treat.



Cold December! 2010 - so cold, even the sea was frozen in places!


And finally, an extra one, below, of Newcastle Quayside, taken in October
- one of the joys of this year has been staying very close to home all year!

and so the journey continues - or is it just beginning?

"It may be when we no longer know what to do,

we have come to our real work,

and that when we no longer know which way to go,

we have begun our real journey.”

– Wendell Berry

 

I've just started reading a book called 'Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness' by Jon Kyabat-Zinn. It has a rather daunting 600+ pages, but this is going to be a year in which I do a lot more reading, so I'm determined to get through it.

 

 

 

I was amused when I  picked it up, as the turned-over corner of page 3 shows just how far I got on my last attempt to read it!

'Well, I'll get further than page 3 this time', I chortled to myself.

But, alas, I only got as far as the first paragraph, when I simply had to put the book down and share the quote (above).

It really resounded with me. 

Just how far on am I in this (my) journey?

Has it even begun?

I certainly hope so!
Indeed, I certainly think so!

 

Anyway, I've been completely distracted now, and have looked up more quotes by Wendel Berry. Before I return to my book, I'll share this little pearl of wisdom with you:

 

 The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.”

Wendell Berry

 ^ someone who  has certainly added something better to my life - and journey!



All you need is love...

Hello, and happy new year! I was going to write about the significance of the start of a new year and indeed decade, but this caught my attention instead, so I'd thought I'd share it - hope you like it as much as I do!

Love Sonnet LXXXIX

When I die, I want your hands on my eyes:


I want the light and the wheat of your beloved hands

to pass their freshness over me once more:

I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny.



I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep.

I want your ears still to hear the wind, I want you

to sniff the sea's aroma that we loved together,

to continue to walk on the sand we walk on.



I want what I love to continue to live,

and you whom I love and sang above everything else

to continue to flourish, full-flowered:



so that you can reach everything my love directs you to,

so that my shadow can travel along in your hair,

so that everything can learn the reason for my song.

by Pablo Neruda

 

 

It's in a lovely little book called 'Ten poems to open your heart', by Roger Housden

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Ten-Poems-Open-Your-Heart/dp/034082980X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1293979708&sr=8-1

 

Hope your year, and heart, are filled with love; today and always xx