Thoughts & reflections on life; & more bits & pieces...

Writing for Wellbeing...

2012-02-01T21:42:00.000Z

Where the poems are

There is a long curved pathway
which runs between sanity and madness:
I have walked it many times,

searching

in wrong places
for solutions
to wrong problems;

destined

to walk for ever
until, exhausted,
I came close to death.

Whoever is responsible for miracles

chose that moment
to open up my eyes,
let me see the light,
which lit a different path.

That is where I found the poems.

by David Agnew (Belfast David)

-------------------------------------------------------

I read this poem by my friend David, today and I immediately wanted to share it. It offers hope that however bad things may seem, there is always the possiblity for change, for making different choices. It is never to late to take a different path.

Please do have a look at David's poetry; his words always have something special about them, whether it's gentleness, humour, wisdom, something to ponder upon, or something a little bit silly to smile about; his words never disappoint! Take a look at his blog: http://belfastdavid.wordpress.com/posts/
and details of his books (that I can thoroughly recommend) can be found here: http://belfastdavid.wordpress.com/books/

Keep on moving...

2012-01-29T21:46:00.000Z

If you want to succeed in the world you must make your own opportunities as you go on.

The man who waits for some seventh wave to toss him on dry land will find that the seventh wave is a long time a coming.

You can commit no greater folly than to sit by the roadside until someone comes along and invites you to ride with him to wealth or influence.

John B. Gough

Another reminder about the importance of taking responsibility for ourselves and the path we chose to take through life...

Reaching out...

2012-01-27T11:09:00.000Z

'There is a phenomenological difference in experiencing pain yourself and sharing someone else’s pain and suffering.
Your own pain is involuntary; you feel overwhelmed and have no control.
When feeling the pain of others, there is an element of discomfort, but there also is a level of stability because you are voluntarily accepting pain.
It gives you a sense of confidence.'

Dalai Lama

I read this quote today and to me, it really sums up the role of the counsellor in counselling. As a counsellor, I share my clients' pain; I really feel their suffering. I shed tears of pain and loss and grief along with their tears; my tears give their tears permission to fall...
But all the while, I am aware that it is their pain, not mine. I am there to 'hold' them and support them, and be with them in their suffering. Sometimes it is too much for one person to bear the weight of their pain single-handedly, so that is where I step in. In being alongside someone in their suffering, it makes the process a little less lonely. In offering a space filled with support and compassion, my clients are able to explore, understand, express and release their feelings of pain and sorrow. This can be a difficult process, but it is so necessary for our growth and development as living, breathing, feeling human beings...In me having a sense of confidence in facing painful emotions, it enables my clients to develop confidence in their ability to face these emotions too...
♥

#Guidance for this week

2012-01-23T21:43:00.003Z

23-366

Keep on keepin' on...

2012-01-23T13:57:00.000Z

“As long as you're actively pursuing your dream with a practical plan, you're still achieving, even if it feels as though you're going nowhere fast.

It's been my experience that at the very moment I feel like giving up, I'm only one step from a breakthrough.

Hang on long enough and circumstances will change, too.

Trust in yourself, your dream and spirit.”

Sarah Ban Breathnach

Sometimes, as we travel along the path towards acheiving our dreams, it feels as if we aren't making much progress.

However, as the above quote points out, it's a case of carying on, one step at a time; trusting, and having faith.

Even if you've strayed off the path, you WILL get there eventually - and you will sometimes discover things that you wouldn't have discovered if you'd continued along the original path, with your eyes firmly on the goal ahead...

Don't worry if it feels like you've ground to a halt.

It's ok to pause and take a break.

However, if it feels impossible to find the motivation to keep on going then maybe it's worth reflecting upon whether the dream you're 'supposed' to be working towards still holds true.

It's ok to change your mind and choose another path!

Trust...

2012-01-06T17:24:00.001Z

Hello and happy new year!

The start of a new year is a good time of year to decide upon a mantra or affirmation for the year; a simple phrase or saying that you can repeat to yourself regularly; maybe at the start and end of each day. 'Trust', for example, might be a good theme to choose. Even that one word would do. Trust.

One of the essential ingredients of a good relationships is trust. Our relationships with others are based on the relationship that we have with ourselves, so if you trust yourself, it goes to follow that you'll trust others in your life; therefore the relationships you have with others will also be based on the firm foundation of trust.

I trust...

I trust life...

I trust myself...

I trust the process;

I trust the journey...

I trust my inner wisdom; my inner voice...

I trust my inner guidance.

I trust the universe...

I trust.

I have patience...

I trust.

All will be well;

I know.

I trust.

'Living a balanced, authentic and fulfilling life'...

2011-12-27T21:19:00.000Z

The process of healing ourselves and our lives involves being mindful of mind, body and spirit. When one aspect is out of balance, all are out of balance. Having balance in life is essential for living an authentic, happy and fulfilling life. Take stock of your life and resolve to heal, or change, anything that is unbalanced. This takes courage, but you don't have to struggle alone in this process. Ask for support from family, friends, and/or your counsellor. In taking note of the following points, you can start making positive changes in life now.

One: Know Your Identity, Beliefs and Values

Getting to know yourself is essential for living an authentic life. Once you are in tune with yourself and you really know, love and accept who you are, and you know what makes you feel happy, it follows that you are much more likely to live a life that somehow feels just right. When you know what your beliefs and values are, you can live your life in accordance with what is really important to you. Life will flow more smoothly.

• Find out what you really love to do; what inspires you, makes you feel alive, happy and satisfied; then do these things often

• Nurture yourself - on all levels; mind, body and spirit

• Be true to yourself. Define yourself by who you are – not by the perceptions of others

• Always make the right choices for you, whatever the circumstances

• Treat yourself and others with respect

• Think about some ‘rules’ you’d like to live your life by, write them down, and commit to them

Two: Let go - of the old; hurts and pains, regrets, and negative thought patterns

In letting go, we can move forward, with less baggage weighing us down.

• First, feel and explore the feelings, then think about what you can learn from the experience, and then let go so that you can get closure and move on

Three: Forgive Freely

Forgiving doesn’t mean that what was said or done was acceptable, but it is part of letting go and is essential for living life with a peaceful heart.

• Take responsibility; don’t blame others

• By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace and hope

Four: Have Faith – in yourself, in the process; in life...

With faith, almost anything is possible.

• Faith is trusting, having hope in your heart, and believing that all will be well.

Five: Live mindfully, with presence.

Take time out to pause and reflect regularly, on a daily basis. Awareness is the key to deeper knowledge and inner wisdom.

• Introduce clarity and simplicity into your life; every day

• Be focused and effective – concentrate your energies

• Inspire the people around you

Six: Take action – make positive changes in your life. Set realistic and achievable goals...

Don’t just think about doing it – do it!! But plan it first. You wouldn’t set off on a long journey without preparing and planning in advance, so apply the same care and attention to your journey through life. But don’t just focus on achieving your ultimate goal – enjoy each step of the journey along the way.

• Determine your priorities and your responsibilities

• Use your knowledge and inner wisdom to empower you

• Make the most of your talents, abilities and best qualities; your self-esteem will be lifted by indulging fully in your talents

• Plot your own direction in life

Seven: Gratitude and Thanksgiving

Finally, find something to be grateful for everyday. Be joyful. Living life joyfully means that it is possible to rise above the problems and difficulties we encounter, and still be happy.

• Start living each day by your new philosophy – and begin the process of self-growth and living a happy, fulfilled, and enriching life

• By completely involving yourself in life, and making a firm commitment to yourself, it follows that you’ll feel good about yourself and your life, and you’ll be full of gratitude and wonder!

• Love life and live it to the full!

Tenacity...

2011-12-08T13:46:00.000Z

from

Tenacity (1971):

I sit for hours at the window
Preparing a letter; you are coming toward me,
We are balanced like dancers in memory,
I feel your coat, I smell your clothes,
Your tobacco, you almost touch me.

by Ruth Stone

Ruth Stone died last month, at the age of 96. Many of her poems convey a haunting feeling of loss and bittersweetness; they are“love poems, all written to a dead man”; written after her husband ended his life, leaving her to bring up three daughters on her own...

Acts of Kindness...

2011-11-21T11:18:00.001Z

I came across this little story today, so thought I'd share it...

Hospital Window
Author Unknown

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Inspiration...

2011-11-14T12:01:00.000Z

Without inspiration the best powers of the mind remain dormant.

There is a fuel in us which needs to be ignited with sparks.

-Johann Gottfried Von Herder

Ispiration is everywhere...
Notice it...

Connect with it...

Embrace it...

Love it ♥

Angels...

2011-11-11T17:44:00.002Z

Angels Are With Us 11/11/11 by abcounselling

Relax; take it easy...

2011-11-10T21:42:00.000Z

close your eyes and relax for 5 mins by abcounselling

Some of my clients find it helpful to have a short relaxation exercise at the start or end of a session. Relaxation can help with no end of complaints, including sleeplessness, anxiety, feeling disconnected, stressed, and so on... I thought that I'd try recording a short session to see how it sounds - if there is good feedback then I'll record some more...

Close your eyes, listen and relax...

Sticks and stones...

2011-11-10T11:39:00.003Z

I came across this on facebook, and thought I'd share it, as it gives out an important lesson about bullying, going against the old (and untrue) adage 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me'...

"A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform.

She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stomp on it and really mess it up, but do not rip it.

Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it.

That is what happens when a child bullies another child, they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home". via A B Counselling

I feel I should add that, yes, it's true, bullying does leave scars, and as a counsellor I have seen the effects lasting into adulthood. People who have been bullied in childhood can still suffer from low self esteem as adults, and can find themselves in the role of 'victim' in relationships and at work too. Although the emotional scars can't ever be completely erased, I think it has to be said that victims of bullies don't have to be victims forever. There is hope out there! It is possible to build up self esteem, and to become more confident and assertive, and to be able to achieve a sense of self worth and inner peace, which leads to happier, helathier relationships in all areas of life...

Learn to love your scars - they are part of your life, your story, and they can teach you a lot about life and yourelf...

On Pain...

2011-11-09T00:40:00.007Z

'Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.' Kahlil Gibran

'Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it’s a big part, and sometimes it isn’t, but either way, it’s a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you’re alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.'

Jim Butcher

I came across the above passage earlier tonight and the words ring so true to me. It is actually something that I had already been reflecting upon over the last few days anyway.

Don't be afraid to feel pain. You can learn so much from it...

Unfortunately it seems that these days we are bombarded by messages that seem to be telling us that we should be 'happy', confident and filled with positivity.

There is no time for feeling sad, unhappy or angry.

We live in a world where we expect things to happen so quickly that we become frustrated and impatient when things take longer than we'd hoped - whether it's waiting for a pizza to be delivered, or waiting for a reply to an email or text message. We aren't prepared to wait, so fast is the pace of life nowadays.

The same seems to be true when it comes to working through our emotions. People want to be feeling better as soon as possible - they want to be seen to be happy and strong and coping.

This piles extra pressure (both internally and externally) onto people who are already feeling low and quite possibly quite fragile too. Feelings get pushed aside and covered up, or ignored, rather than the time being taken to really explore, understand, accept, experience and most importantly to actually feel those feelings and learn from them.

The trouble is, in putting off actually feeling these feelings, the opportunity to learn from them is missed. The feelings get bottled up and up until the day comes that they all come bursting out in sometimes quite an alarming way. And then it takes a lot longer to sift through them all.

It's much more effective and healthy (and natural) to feel the feelings as and when they arise, rather than pushing them away. It seems that lot of people out there are actually afraid of their feelings - afraid they might get swallowed up by them, worried that they might lose themselves and that they might never be able to find themselves again...

And this is actually quite true...

In immersing yourself in the feelings of pain and loss and grief, you can feel as if you're drowning and lost and it is scary, and it's true that you might not find yourself again, because when you emerge again, you are a different you. Your pain has had an impact upon you, it will have changed you and taught you and the chances are that you won't be quite the same as you were before.

But you will have changed in positive ways.

Rather than becoming hard, angry, bitter, resentful, angry, depressed and/or withdrawn as a result of hiding your feelings away, in embracing your feelings the chances are you'll become wiser, stronger, calmer, and more open than before, with a sense of inner peace and wisdom and the courage and confidence to be able to face and accept whatever challenges present themselves to you in the future.

'Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding' (Kahlil Gibran)

...feeling that pain is like finding the key to unlock the heavy gates and chains around your heart and soul... Let its voice be heard - your inner voice, your inner wisdom - it is waiting to guide you forward - through the pain and beyond, to a life that is filled with a deep sense of calm, acceptance and inner peace....

Autumnwatch...

2011-11-04T20:46:00.001Z

"Autumn is marching on: even the scarecrows are wearing dead leaves."- Otsuyu Nakagawa

This is such a lovely time of year! It's nice to be warm and cosy indoors, with candlelight flickering, but it's also lovely to get wrapped up and go outdoors to enjoy the fresh air and autumn colours... Hope you enjoy November, both indoors and owhen you're out and about!

Mindfulness...

2011-11-04T10:39:00.004Z

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,

nor to worry about the future,

but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.

Buddhist quotes

Higher than the sun...

2011-10-21T13:53:00.000+01:00

Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.

Louisa May Alcott

Autumn blaze...

2011-10-21T13:46:00.000+01:00

A woodland in full colour is awesome as a forest fire, in magnitude at least, but a single tree is like a dancing tongue of flame to warm the heart.
Hal Borland ♥

I love this time of year!

October...

2011-10-18T11:43:00.000+01:00

"October's the month

When the smallest breeze

Gives us a shower

Of autumn leaves.

Bonfires and pumpkins,

Leaves sailing down -

October is red

And golden and brown."

- Can Teach Songs

I love the warm colours of October... the leaves, the sky, sunrises and the golden moon... There is something comforting and cosy about the orange, red and golden colours that we are blessed with this month.

Wrap up in cosy, cheerful clothes and be sure to get outdoors and enjoy the fiery blaze of autumn colours this month!

Monday Monday...

2011-10-10T13:44:00.000+01:00

It was a bit of a gloomy start to the week when I went for a walk this morning in what started out as drizzle, but soon turned into a consistent downpour...

However, the gloominess didn't dampen my spirits. I actually quite liked the refreshing feel of the rain on my face and the taste of raindrops splashing onto my tongue...

So often, it seems, people let the weather affect their mood. But it doesn't have to. If you feel content and happy on the inside, then surely whatever is happening in the world outside can't have too much influence over your state of mind... Yet in general, people do seem to be a lot happier when the sun is shining... Speaking of which, the sun has just managed to come out, and it's stopped raining now...

A reminder that the rain, like those bad moods, never lasts long...

Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby.
Langston Hughes

The Sea...

2011-10-08T17:54:00.000+01:00

I took these photos earlier. It was so invigorating to be walking along next to such amazing waves, towering over me... the spray splashing my face, the salt coating my lips like lipstick...

I felt so alive!

It felt good.

Weather storm...

2011-10-07T13:26:00.000+01:00

I was delighted to hear that Tomas Tranströmer‎ has been awarded the Nobel prize for literature, so here is one of his poems, which is quite fitting as I'm currently writing this whilst sitting looking out at the sea on this cold October day...

Weather Picture

The October sea glistens coldly
with its dorsal fin of mirages.

Nothing is left that remembers
the white dizziness of yacht races.

An amber glow over the village.
And all sounds in slow flight.

A dog’s barking is a hieroglyph
painted in the air above the garden

where the yellow fruit outwits
the tree and drops of its own accord.

by Tomas Tranströmer‎

perfect moment...

2011-10-06T12:50:00.000+01:00

This Moment

A neighbourhood.
At dusk.

Things are getting ready
to happen
out of sight.

Stars and moths.
And rinds slanting around fruit.

But not yet.

One tree is black.
One window is yellow as butter.

A woman leans down to catch a child
who has run into her arms
this moment.

Stars rise.
Moths flutter.
Apples sweeten in the dark.

by Eavan Boland

Today is national poetry day in the UK, so I thought I'd share a poem. This is from a collection called 'Poetry to Calm your Soul', compiled by Mimi Khalvati.

So many things happen in a single moment, yet how much do we actually notice?

Spend some time today (and everyday!) quietly observing a moment.

What do you see?

Hear?

Smell?

Taste?

Feel?

Think?

In honour of poetry day, why not write a poem or some prose on the subject of 'This moment'?

Feel free to share what you write as a comment below.

You could also draw or photograph 'This Moment'

or create some music on the same theme...

the possiblities are endless!...

Going with the flow...

2011-09-09T22:09:00.002+01:00

When a cupboard is full to overflowing and the doors are opened up, that which is within comes tumbling out and nothing can stop it.

When floodgates are opened, the water rushes forth with tremendous power and force, carrying all before it.

So with the spiritual power within you; once it has been recognised and released, nothing can stop the flow.

It pours forth, sweeping aside all negativity and disharmony, bringing with it peace, love, harmony and understanding.

It is love that will overcome the world; it is love which will unite all humanity.

Therefore the sooner you release that tremendous power of love within you and allow it to flow freely, the sooner will you behold world peace and harmony and the oneness of all humanity.

When you have love in your heart, you draw the very best out of everyone, for love sees only the best and therefore draws forth the best.

Be not afraid; open up, hold nothing back, and let it all flow freely.

Eileen Caddy

After the rain...

2011-06-24T21:42:00.000+01:00

Hello again! Apologies for posting this on my other blog too, but it's a while since I've written a blog, so I thought I'd post it here too...Something I wrote earlier today when I was sitting on my bench, enjoying the sunshine for a few moments...

After the rain...

Summertime rain brings flowers

and life

To once parched and barren

ground.

Gardens are alive

With a blaze of colour

Lifting spirits high...

Sitting for a while

I soak it all up

With gratitude and

love.

Refreshed and

renewed

Tranquility returns.

What was lost

Is found.

(24th June 2011)

Keep Turning the Pages...

2011-04-02T11:34:00.000+01:00

I've posted this on my other blog, but thought it would be useful to post it here too.
a thought for today:

" Life is like a book with many chapters we call seasons.

Some chapters tell the story of love, drama, comedy, mystery, loss, adversity, growth, disappointment, triumph, etc. Some chapters are dull and ordinary, others intense and exciting.

The key to enduring, persevering and being hopeful is to never stop on a difficult page, to never quit on a book or a chapter that seems too long.

Some chapters may be sweet but too short.

Your words, thoughts, actions, non-action and choices are the pens that write the pages in your book.

Have the courage and faith to keep turning the pages believing better chapters lie ahead.

... Trust. Listen. Believe. ...

Activate your gifts and talents.

Be creative. Be kind. Be patient. Be faithful. Be grateful. Be fruitful."

~ Diamond Taylor

just a little update...

2011-03-26T10:12:00.002Z

just to let you know - from now on, I'll be dividing my blog into two. My 'personal' blog will be over here and this blog will be more counselling / therapy / self-help / advice & information -related ...

Today, tomorrow, sometime, never...

2011-03-20T11:42:00.003Z

Yesterday: Clouds through my kitchen window

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.
Rabindranath Tagore

Last night: 'Supermoon' and sea

And as the evening twilight fades away The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


This morning...

Excuse me while I kiss the sky.
~ Jimi Hendrix

I haven't written a blog for a while - I'll maybe write more about this later, but in the meantime, I thought I'd share some of my latest photos and a few quotes...

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and
the stars; you have a right to be here.
- Desiderata

Don't look back in anger ...

2011-03-06T21:09:00.000Z

~~AAARRRGHHHHH!!!!!~~

Some of you might have heard me talking about anger on BBC Radio Newcastle last week. As this is something many people struggle with, I thought I'd do a little blog about it...

Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But

to be angry with the right person, to the right

degree, at the right time, for the right purpose

and in the right way... that is not easy.

-- Aristotle

Anger is a natural, healthy and normal human emotion. It is ok to get angry. It's how we deal with it and express it that's important. Anger is often badly managed and can be destructive when it is out of control. It's when it gets out of control and happens regularly and becomes aggressive that it has become a problem. On the other hand, if anger isn’t expressed it can lead to physical problems, depression and anxiety. There is a fine line between acknowledging anger and venting it until it is out of control.

What are symptoms of an anger problem?

• Explosive outbursts that cannot be controlled
• Rages when driving or at work
• Domestic violence and controlling behaviour
• Depression or anxiety may indicate introverted anger
• Alcohol or drug dependence may cover an anger problem

Triggers
Some of the things that contribute towards problems with anger include bottling things up, and not dealing with them, until boiling point is reached and one seemingly trivial incident can be the final straw, resulting in an explosion of anger. The use of alcohol, caffeine and certain drugs can also contribute, as can tiredness, stress, pain, hormones, bad time management and over-committing to too many things.

It is thought that some of the main reasons why we become angry involve:

Feeling threatened, hurt and/or under attack through verbal or physical abuse, or
Someone / something preventing you from doing something you’d planned / hoped to do/achieve, or
Someone violating your beliefs / morals; for example by being unfair / dishonest, or
Being in a situation where you feel helpless – things are out of your control – it seems that you can’t do anything about it. E.g. – being stuck in traffic, etc.

How to handle anger
It is important to remember that we always have a choice about how to deal with our anger.

We can try to choose to respond (think first) rather than react.

It is also important to accept that we are angry- ‘I’m angry; that’s ok’; rather than deny it; ‘I’m NOT angry!!’...

We also have the choice whether to keep our cool, or lose it.

We can be passive, aggressive or assertive in dealing with our anger.

• Passive – in being passive, we don’t really deal with the anger. It is bottled up and can turn inwards into depression or resentment, or can build up until we reach boiling point eventually.

• Aggressive – in being aggressive, we can become confrontational, violent and defensive and we aren’t really dealing with the anger effectively.

• Assertive – this is a responsible way of dealing with the anger. We acknowledge our anger and deal with it effectively: ‘I’m angry. I’m going to take some time out and will discuss it later when I feel calmer’.
Above all, in getting to know and understand ourselves better, we are more in tune with how we’re feeling from moment to moment, so we can deal with our anger effectively before it becomes a problem.

Top tips:

Anger can be a sign that it’s time to relax and cope better. If you are trying to deal with your anger in a more responsible way then the following check list may help you bring about some changes.

• Awareness: Get to know your warning signals. There may be obvious signs such as a rapid heart rate, headaches, tension and the urge to act impulsively. It may be that more passive symptoms arise, such as defensiveness, withdrawal, silence. You may notice yourself snapping at people and over-reacting.

• If you feel yourself getting angry, take a deep breath, relax, pause, and think! It is possible to feel angry and not to act on those feelings.

• Develop good communication skills - this is one of the most important things you can do. Talk about it. Admit that you’re angry - to yourself and others.

• Assertiveness – learn to say ‘No’, so that you don’t stretch yourself in too many directions. Know your limits and set boundaries so that you have a good balance in life. Take responsibility for maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

• Take 'time-out'. If you are getting nowhere in a heated discussion and you feel the warning signs of an angry outburst coming on, it's quite ok to say, "I don't think it's helpful for us to talk about this anymore right now, I need some time to think".

• Make sure you get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and have fun regularly. Also ensure you eat and drink healthily.

• Learn some relaxation and breathing techniques, assertiveness skills and meditation; they can be useful strategies, as can sport and all physical exercises, when you are trying to deal constructively with angry feelings.

• Try to look at the situation from different perspectives – for example if you can see the funny side of the situation, the anger will start to pass; humour is a great release and stress reliever!

• Try keeping an ‘Anger Diary’ for a week or so to see if there is a pattern to your anger. If you are regularly angry early in the morning, for example, you could look at changing your morning and bedtime routines.

Quotes
Anger is one letter short of danger ~ Author Unknown

If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot ~ Korean Proverb

No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched ~ George Jean Nathan

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness ~ James Thurber

Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love ~ Leo Buscaglia

Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel ~ Author Unknown

10 Affirmations
Choose a short phrase that you can repeat to yourself when you find yourself becoming angry. For example:

• I replace my anger with a sense of calm
• I learn important lessons from my anger
• I can relax and go with the flow
• I can stay calm and relaxed
• I can control my anger
• I can cope with this
• I can let go of anger
• It’s ok to be angry
• Take it easy
• This will pass

Finally

Don’t struggle on your own. Ask for help and support. Speak to a counsellor if you'd like further support.

How anger management counselling may help:

• Looking at your beliefs attached to your anger, including beliefs of those around you during childhood
• Examining and understanding your anger
• Understanding how anger affects your close relationships
• Taking responsibility for how you react or respond to anger
• Learning how to relax
• Simply being listened to can make a big difference.

Finally, treat yourself with love, kindness and compassion and try to lead a gentler life - be gentler on yourself, as well as others.

In Another World ...

2011-03-04T13:37:00.005Z

Hello again! - this is another rushed blog, as I have to go out soon, and have, as usual, been distracted by too many things so far this morning...

This is a blog about Asperger's Syndrome - I had intended to write something more informative, but this will have to do for now.

Apologies to those who have already read / seen some of this via facebook and/or twitter, but this is an issue that is close to my heart, and awareness needs to be raised.

I found out yesterday that one of my friends on facebook with Asperger's Syndrome sadly ended his life last month. I hope he is at peace now.

This highlights once again that there is a desperate need for more understanding, awareness and acceptance of Asperger's Syndrome, and the isolation and turmoil that comes and goes throughout the years ...

Not everyone is affected by AS in the same way - for example, it is thought that people with AS don't feel empathy, but this is not the case for all people with AS - some people are able to feel empathy to such an extent that it feels like they are feeling the suffering of the whole world in one go...

It isn't all bad. People with AS may be gifted, quirky, creative, loyal, trustworthy, sensitive and caring individuals who have so much to offer the world... xx ...

Below, there is a little article from the Guardian newspaper, and then there is a video explaining more about AS and its impact. Thanks to Maire for the link to the video.

If you do a google search, you will be able to find more info. I'll hopefully write more another time. xx

What I'm really thinking: The person with Asperger's syndrome

Illustration: Lo Cole for the Guardian

'I'm 50 and was diagnosed last year. Before then, I had no idea why social interaction was so hard. I thought everybody else had the same difficulties, but had overcome them. What strength of will they must have, I thought – look how easily they make eye contact; I must have a bad attitude, I simply can't be trying hard enough.

Decades ago, I learned to pretend I was coping by developing a passive, quiet exterior. I would still, when I plucked up the courage, expend enormous mental effort trying and failing to make conversation, while attempting to micro-manage disastrously inappropriate body language: standing too close, awkward gestures and a mask-like expression.

Now, I feel more lonely than ever. Diagnosis has brought increased self-knowledge, but it doesn't make things easier. Even now, I generally cannot think of a single thing to say; except, that is, for the painfully idiosyncratic responses that jam my brain.

How can they interact with each other so unselfconsciously, inhabit their lives so fully, be so comfortable in their own skin? I have tried and tried, but I cannot comprehend what life must be like for them.

I like people, I long to have friends and, most of all, to be in a relationship. The bottom line is, human beings were not meant to have to live like this. Social interaction is a basic human need.'

Link to the article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/jan/15/really-thinking-aspergers-person

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A little meditation I thought I'd share with you...

2011-03-03T15:25:00.000Z

image from: www.yogaattheraven.com/events

Third Eye Meditation ♥

Relaxation is beneficial in so many ways, but my laptop battery is about to run out, so I won't go into too much detail here! I've edited the following meditation from the original that I read a while ago, but I'm afraid I can't remember where it is from...

The third eye chakra is in the centre of the forehead area and is the site of intuition and inner vision... I hope you enjoy this!...

Find a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed. Light a candle, make sure you are comfortable, and wrap an indigo blanket or wrap around you to keep warm. If you like to work with any of the third eye chakra crystals such as Amethyst, Moonstone, Lapis Lazuli etc, place them in front of you. Alternatively burn an aromatherapy oil (e.g. Peppermint, Ginger or Geranium).

Close your eyes, and become aware of the breath passing in and out of your nostrils. Focusing on your third eye imagine all the petals of the chakra opening and take a deep breath. Chant the mantra Aum 3 times, or repeat ‘peace, peace, peace’, or anything else that you find calming.

Imagine yourself in your garden /sacred space, and at this point make sure you are grounded, connected and feeling protected. You see a path in front of you. Walk down the path, feel the soil beneath your feet, notice the sky above you and listen for the sounds of the birds and the trees surrounding you.

The pathway comes to an end and you find yourself standing at the edge of a beautiful ravine. Across the ravine is an enormous thundering waterfall. You feel the mist of the waterfall on your face, cleansing your forehead. While you are looking at the waterfall you notice a movement behind the falling water. Slowly your guide emerges and moves towards you. You greet one another with much joy in your heart. Your guide invites you to join him/ her through the mists of the waterfall. He/she explains that it is time to remove old fears and patterns. He/she is taking you to a place which will be safe to do so.

You feel the warmth of his/ her magnificent energy spreading around you as you slowly lift off the ground and move through the cascading waterfall into a cave behind it. There you notice candles lit around the entrance and a velvet, indigo cushion which you sit down upon. You feel safe and secure.

Bring to mind one, or more, of your current fears, worries, concerns, etc. Simply observe this fear or concern. Recognize it as something that has come to teach you a lesson and see the strength and wisdom it gives you. It is time to let the fear go. Let it go... Acknowledge the feeling that comes to you after letting go of your fear.
You stand up and turn around now; and step out of the cave.

The thundering of the waterfall quietens. A rainbow appears, then the waterfall disappears in front of your eyes and you notice an incredible sense of peace. On the horizon amid the indigo colours of dusk you see the first evening star. It moves towards you until you can reach out and touch it. You gaze towards it connecting it to your third eye. In your mind´s eye, you place a reminder of this experience into the centre of the star. You feel an incredible sense of wisdom as you are revitalized and energized by its magnificent light. The star slowly recedes back to the sky. Know that every time you look upon this star you will be reminded of this experience.

Your guide places his/ her hand on your shoulder gently returns you to your moonlit path which you follow back to your sacred space or garden. The familiar smell of the flowers in your garden and the sound of the birds in the trees brings your awareness back to your body and into the here and now.

Focusing on your breath, you rub your hands together and slowly place them over your face. After a short while gently open your eyes. Thank yourself for taking the time out to do this, & have a beautiful day ♥

A taste of spring...

2011-02-26T13:39:00.000Z

"Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark."

Jalal ad-Din Rumi

I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes. ~e.e. cummings

Just a quick little blog today, as I have so many things I want to do today, tomorrow, this week, next week, and so on!

At the moment, I'm loving the signs that spring is on its way. The birds have started singing their joyful song and I especially love to hear the blackbird singing away early in the morning, and at the end of the day.

The mornings and evenings are lighter now and the temperature is slowly starting to rise...

Snowdrops and crocuses are brightening gardens with their cheerful splashes of colour.

Buds are appearing on trees and bushes, along with catkins and pussy willows.

Hope is everywhere, along with the promise of new life, new beginnings, fresh starts.

I'm so looking forward to getting out and about in the fresh air, to really soak up the feelings, sounds, tastes, and smells of this invigorating, refreshing and optimistic time of year...

♥

Sparks...

2011-02-20T21:10:00.002Z

Hello again,
I've had quite a peaceful and reflective weekend, which I think was just what I needed. Sometimes life feels so busy, yet it's so important to spend some time just 'being' rather than 'doing'. Just sitting collecting thoughts and feelings together, and re-centering, is so therapeutic, so worthwhile...

Anyway, moving on... in this post, I thought I'd share this extract, from a play called 'Spoonface Steinberg' by Lee Hall. I really like it.

'... because when the world was made ... everything that there is, was all made of magic sparks - and all the magic sparks went into things - deep down and everything has a spark - but it was quite a while ago since it was made and now the sparks are deep down inside and the whole point of being alive - the whole point of living is to find the spark

- and when you meet someone and say hello - or if you tell them a joke or when you say that you love them or try and help someone or you see someone who is sad or injured or maybe they have lost all their money ... or maybe they're just a bit glum or hungry or you ask the time or maybe they've missed the train - all these people, all they need is help to find the spark...

... and if only you could see the spark then there was a meaning ... and the meaning was if you found the spark - then it would be like electricity - and you would glow like a light and you would shine like the sparks and that was the meaning - ... it was glowing - it was finding the sparks inside you and setting them free.' ...

Points for reflection...
Have you found your spark?
What makes you feel really alive?

Hyperreal...

2011-02-17T14:42:00.004Z

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Some moments in life can never be forgotten... memories fade, but certain moments stay imprinted in their stark reality for ever... I still struggle sometimes to believe the events of this time last year... I know it happened, yet it sometimes feels like it happened in a different lifetime. And in some ways, it was a different lifetime... I am a different person now... me and Iona both are...

I remember the first phonecall... the waiting... then the second phone call. Radiohead, Street Spirit (Fade Out) playing in the background, as I had to tell Iona the awful news that her Dad had died... Surely the worst possible thing in life that a parent could ever have to tell their child is that their other parent has died...

But somehow, we've survived the first year without him. I'm so proud of us, and i know that he would be too.

I hope you're at peace now. We miss you. Thanks for the happy memories of so many good times - and for all I learnt through the bad times...

I smile when I listen to the shamen, and remember us dancing madly in those good old days!

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Loving, living, learning...

2011-02-16T21:49:00.000Z

Hello again,

This is just a quick little blog, as I'm in the middle of doing a newsletter that I'd planned to have ready for the 1st of February... But, hey ho! - I'm going gently on myself, as this a difficult time for me; those of you who know me well, will know why.

The theme of my newsletter is Self Love. (That's the link between this blog and the pictures I've included - spot the love hearts!) I wanted to include this piece below by Louise Hay, but a combination of lack of time and space prevented me, so I thought I'd include it in my blog instead:

I Love Myself Affirmation
Louise Hay

Deep at the centre of my being,

there is an infinite well of love.

I now allow this love to flow to the surface.

It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness,

my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions

and returns to me multiplied.

The more love I use and give, the more I have to give.

The supply is endless.

The use of love makes me feel good,

it is an expression of my inner joy.

I love myself;

therefore, I take loving care of my body.

I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages,

I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly

responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself; therefore provide for myself

a comfortable home, one that fills

all my needs and is a pleasure to be in.

I fill the rooms with the vibration of love

so that all who enter, myself included,

will feel this love and be nourished by it.

I love myself; therefore I work at a job I truly enjoy

doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities,

working with and for people I love and who love me,

and earning a good income.

I love myself; therefore, I behave and think in a loving

way to all people for I know that that which I give out

returns to me multiplied.

I only attract loving people in my world,

for they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself; therefore I forgive and totally release

the past and all past experiences and I am free.

I love myself; therefore I live totally in the now,

experiencing each moment as good and knowing that

my future is bright and joyous and secure,

for I am a beloved child of the Universe

and the Universe lovingly takes care of me

now and forever more.

And so it is.

by Louise Hay, from "You Can Heal Your Life"

Let Somebody In...

2011-02-09T23:05:00.004Z

Hello again

It's been a while since my last blog... and, 'No!' - it hasn't been because of writer's block! - there are so many things I want to say; so many things I want to write about and share, but so little time... Plus, February is a difficult month for me, and I had a funeral to go to this week, so I've made a point of giving myself some space and time to reflect on things, and gather my thoughts together... Anyway; enough about me... I thought I'd share a few thoughts that I've been pondering on tonight...

An ongoing theme in my work seems to be around fear - fear of moving on, of taking risks, of being hurt, of living, of letting go, of failing, of success, of being alone, of being in a relationship... It seems that quite a large proportion of us are hiding behind our fears of so many different things, that we are limiting our selves and we are lessening the possibility of reaching our full potential...

Fear is a natural emotion, but when it starts to become an excuse, and when it limits our daily lives, perhaps it is time to step out from under our security blankets and start exploring these fears... Once we understand our fears, why we have them, and the impact they are having on our lives, we can start to gradually make changes, let go a little, start taking risks, and begin to get a taste of how life could be, if only we could stop being so afraid!

'But how? How can I do it?' people often plead - as if the prospect of change in itself is so scary that it seems easier to stay in our comfort zone, limiting though it is...

Change doesn't happen overnight - it's a gradual process. Each time a little step forward is made, it's a step closer to living a free(er) and more fulfilling life. But yes, with each risk that is taken, there comes the possibility of being hurt. In dropping our guard, our defences, our protection, we may feel exposed and vulnerable. Yes, we will get hurt - suffering is part of life. But in dealing with hurt and pain along the way, we become stronger and better equipped to deal with future pain and disappointments. With that strength comes self-belief, and the realisation that we deserve to live a rich and varied life, taking the rough with the smooth - we deserve to live - really live - rather than just continue to plod along, existing, rather than living...

Anyway, I hope this makes sense...I thought I'd end this post with the video below, as I think it ties in with the theme of fear... The words are below the video.

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Let Somebody In

Said, you want to love
But you don't know how
And you want to feel
But you're not allowed
And you want to cry
But you don't know why
And you want to give
But you're not that kind

When you gonna let somebody in?
You might get hurt just a little bit
When you gonna let somebody in?

Said, you want to love
But you don't know how
And you want to trust
But you're not allowed
And you want to cry
But you don't know why
And you want to give
But you're not that kind

When you gonna let somebody in?
You might get hurt just a little bit
When you gonna let somebody in?

You want to love
But you don't know how
And you want to feel
But you don't know how

- by The Magic Numbers -

I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one...

2011-01-30T22:27:00.001Z

Peace...

Today, 30th January is a Festival of Peace; a day that is dedicated to the Roman Goddess Pax...

so I thought I'd do a quick little blog with a couple of quotes about peace:

If in our daily life we can smile,

if we can be peaceful and happy,

not only we, but everyone

will profit from it. This

is the most basic kind

of peace work.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

~~~

If we are to live together in peace, we must come to know each other better.

— Lyndon Baines Johnson

This is so true... and, above all, we must come to know ourselves better, as well as each other, if we are to live in peace...
Think about how you can live a more peaceful life...
- & please feel free to share your tips, thoughts, ideas, etc! xx

wandering through wonderland...

2011-01-30T18:15:00.000Z

Just a quick little blog to say that I've started a new blog: http://ali-aquarius.blogspot.com/

It's going to be an autobiography, once I've decided how to start it!

You're welcome to join me on my wonderings and wanderings about my past...

I'll still be keeping this one going too.

pic from google images

This Will Pass...

2011-01-27T12:56:00.002Z

Hello again,

'Anxiety' is a theme that's coming up quite frequently in my work with clients at the moment. I was thinking about this earlier, and a previous client suddenly sprung to mind.

He was really struggling with anxiety issues, and we spent a lot of time exploring this, working through it, looking at coping strategies, and so on. Acceptance of the anxiety seemed to be a real turning point. Rather than constantly battling against it, or trying to control it, just being able to accept and admit 'I feel anxious' seemed to lift a lot of pressure and bring about a sense of relief.

Another thing that really helped this particular client when he felt anxious was to repeat a phrase he had heard:

'This will pass'

I was grateful to him for sharing this with me in the very next session after he had first heard it on the radio and, as soon as that session ended, I wrote it on a card and pinned it to my notice board.

'This will pass'

If you're concerned that I'm breaching client confidentiality in sharing this, please don't be alarmed. This particular client was so grateful for his positive experience of counselling that, when his counselling came to an end, he desperately wanted to help other people who struggle with anxiety in some way. He wrote an open letter for me to share, at my discretion, with other clients who were struggling as he had, so I know he'd be pleased for me to share this story for the benefit of others.

'This will pass'

I wondered where this phrase came from originally, so I did a little bit of research into it this morning. This is what I discovered:

This too shall pass (Hebrew: גם זה יעבור‎, gam zeh ya'avor) is a saying commonly used to offer condolences or sympathy to someone in pain or suffering... "King Solomon once searched for a cure against depression. He assembled his wise men together. They meditated for a long time and gave him the following advice: Make yourself a ring and have thereon engraved the words 'This too will pass.' The King carried out the advice. He had the ring made and wore it constantly. Every time he felt sad and depressed, he looked at the ring, whereon his mood would change and he would feel cheerful" -(Israel Folklore Archive)

I really like that idea! Also, a ring is a circle, and there's something really soothing about circles, I feel. The smooth edges, and feeling of continuity; seamless and neverending. Wikipedia notes that 'The circle has been known since before the beginning of recorded history. Natural circles would have been observed, such as the Moon, Sun, and a short plant stalk blowing in the wind on sand, which forms a circle shape in the sand.'

And so the circle of life continues... The process of self awareness is almost like a circle too. The starting point is you; you go off on the voyage of self discovery, but you always end up coming back to yourself; back to where the journey began... but with more awareness than you had when you began the journey ...

Which reminds me of another theme that is emerging in my work at the moment: existentialism. But I'll maybe save that theme for another blog!

Anyway, I hope this has been helpful in some way. Next time you're feeling anxious, upset, or afraid, try repeating the phrase a few times and see if it helps...

'This will pass'

Nuts...

2011-01-22T17:58:00.000Z

Apparently yesterday was Squirrel Appreciation Day in America, so I thought I'd do a quick little blog in honour of squirrels today. The photos and videos were taken on holiday in Jan 2009.

I love squirrels! ♥

'One autumn when the nuts were

ripe, and the leaves on the hazel

bushes were golden and green--

Nutkin and Twinkleberry and all the

other little squirrels came out of the

wood, and down to the edge of the lake...'

~ Beatrix Potter

Wonderland...

2011-01-21T09:28:00.000Z

This was the first song to play on my ipod this morning. I love the dreamlike sounds - I could just drift away to it.... I was thrilled to find this video when I did a little search on youtube - it seems to go so well with the music. I love the retro yet timeless feel it has. People of all ages enjoy spending time on the beach... Hope you like it too! xx

Letting go...

2011-01-20T13:14:00.001Z

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

- Havelock Ellis

I thought I'd write a quick little blog on the subject of relationships today - or, more precisely - letting go of certain relationships...

It struck me that in the previous blog - and possibly in some of my other blogs too - that I've mentioned that certain relationships in my family have deteriorated. It struck me that it might seem strange to some people that a counsellor's relationships with family members have gone off-track, so I just thought I'd write a bit more about the process here.

In the process of personal development, self growth, self awareness, counselling, & training to be a counsellor, we tend to examine relationships in our life, and the impact these have had on us. But mainly, we explore the relationship we have with our self. Self discovery is an amazing and enriching journey. Through a long, complex, gentle, soul-searching, at times painful, but overall enlightening process, I have developed a deep awareness and acceptance of myself, and who I am. I have grown to love and respect myself, and I now have a strong feeling of self worth.

Through the counselling / PD process, the desire to become more and more what you are, to become everything that you are capable of becoming, cannot be ignored. One of the beliefs underpinning Person Centred therapy (Carl Rogers) is that for a person to be 'fully functioning', to be on their 'right path', one of the things that is necessary is to have an internal, rather than external 'Locus of Evaluation'. This means that to be happy in oursleves, we need to take note of our internal evaluations; our feelings and intuition (gut instinct), rather than listening too much to what other people say. And rather than seeking approval of others, we need to give ourselves approval.

So, all in all, we start to change as individuals, once we enter the process of self-discovery. We become more authentic. We do things to please our self, rather than others. We realise that we deserve to be treated with respect, compassion and consideration. This starts to impact on our relationships with other people.

Some people will love and embrace the 'new you', whereas others won't undertand. They won't like the fact that you now sometimes say 'no', when you always used to say 'yes'. They might be uncomfortable with the fact that you now voice your opinions, rather than staying quiet, to keep the peace. They might not like the fact that you become more assertive. They might feel threatened by you. People who really matter will celebrate the new you and will be proud of you, but there will always be some who are afraid of change, and who want you to stay as you were.

So a painful part of the process of living authentically is to reach a point where it becomes necessary, for your own peace of mind, to 'let go' of some relationships in life. This doesn't mean that you become bitter and resentful. It means that you realise that you don't have to put up with emotional abuse and blackmail just becuase 'he's your dad and he loves you, so you have to make peace with him'. Just like an abused woman shouldn't be told to stay because 'he's your husband and he loves you'.

I've reached a point where I can no longer accept being judged, put down, being treated disrespectfully, being emotionally abused, criticised, treated unfairly, etc, etc. Also, I think it's an important lesson to teach my daughter. Far too many people end up in abusive relationships becuase they're following the patterns set by others.

I understand that just because I've changed, it doesn't mean that everyone else should accept the changes in me. I realise that some people are uncomfortable with the new me. So, rather than clinging onto realtionships that make me unhappy, I've decided to let go, with love and compassion; with understanding and acceptance. I hope it won't always be like this - I have faith in human's potential to grow and learn, so maybe one day relationships can be rebuilt. But, for now, I feel liberated and free from the debilitating patterns of old behaviours. It's vital to move on. But painful - I won't deny that. But pain is part of life.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

Kahlil Gibran

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.

- Raymond Lindquist

Anyway, I hope all this has made sense, and has maybe been helpful in some way!

My Name Is...

2011-01-18T10:37:00.002Z

What's in a Name?

I've been thinking about names quite a lot lately...

I was at a workshop quite a while ago where one of the introductory ice-breaking exercises was to talk about our name - what it is, why we were called that, what it means, whether or not we like it, whether we prefer to be called by our full name, or by an abbreviated form of it, and so on... It was really interesting to hear everyone's wide range of feelings about their name, and what an emotive subject it can be....

As a counsellor, it's really important to check what clients prefer to be called - calling someone by their full name, for example, might remind them of being in trouble in childhood, and of all the implications of what that meant... or calling someone by an abbreviated form of their name might instantly remind them of their late partner calling them by this name... so it's vital to treat names with a degree of sensitivity...

A name can have so many complex layers of meaning that go far beyond the actual letters that make up the name...

A child whose name has a lot of different letters might take much longer to learn to write their name compared to a child with a name made up of just 3 or 4 letters... What impact will this have on them in the classroom?

What if you were given the same name as your mother, father or grandparent? Are you expected to take on their personality traits too?

What if you were given a name that really doesn't suit your personality? If you were called 'Sunny' or 'Joy' yet you have quite a miserable personality?

How does 'Apple' - child of Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow- feel about her name?

How does it feel to be the only child in the school who has an unusual name? - I think my daughter Iona quite likes having an unusual name, but I'm sure at times she has maybe wished she was called something else...

My name 'Alison' means 'truth' and 'noble'. That kind of fits, I think - 'truth' is very important to me - I absolutely can't stand lies - lying to me is one of the worst things anyone could possibly do to me.

I've no idea why that name was chosen for me, and now I'll never know...

I don't dislike my name, but I much prefer being called 'Ali' rather then 'Alison'. Friends and close family call me 'Ali' - it would feel quite strange if someone close called me Alison. Yet professionally, I introduce myself as 'Alison' - maybe because it feels more grown up, more respectable, than 'Ali'. But I'm finding it more and more unsettling to be called Alison now...

'Ali' is who I am. Maybe that was my first chance of a bit of independence - calling myself 'Ali', even though my dad preferred the full name to be used. Maybe now, because our relationship has broken down irreparably, it just grates on me more and more... At the moment, each time someone says 'Alison', I feel myself tense up, and almost shudder... It really is amazing what an impact just a few letters can have...

But it can't all be bad - there are a couple of songs I like that have my name in them; this being one of them (Alison's starting to happen, by the lemonheads!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I6mvK3k6SM&feature=fvw

Our names are labels, plainly printed on the bottled essence of our past behavior

~ Logan Pearsall Smith

My name may have buoyancy enough to float upon the sea of time

~ Richard Watson Gilder

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Dennis Frakes

How do you feel about your name?

With or without...

2011-01-10T11:53:00.002Z

Without You...

Last year

The clock slowly ticked away

Every minute, every hour; every day.

And now, suddenly, a new year begins.

The first year

Without you.

You died last year;

In the last decade.

It feels so final now, somehow.

You are in the past...

And now I sit here, in the present,

Watching a fine drizzle

Washing away memories...

Making then fade a little further

Out of reach.

Like the tide wiping the slate clean

On the beach.

But you still return to haunt me

In dreams.

We never could completely let go;

Clinging onto the security blanket

That was once our love...

A love that became a binding rope

That took away all hope

Of release.

But now you've set us free.

And with a deepening sense of inner peace,

I start to adapt to a future without you,

And I know that love will see me through;

Love

will see

through...

♥

a strange thing just happened as I wrote this - my phone rang, but there was no-one there, but then a recorded voice just said 'goodbye', then the line went dead...

A little birdhouse in your soul...

2011-01-08T17:55:00.000Z

Today I've been thinking about birds... Earlier, I was looking out of the window at the still blue sea and pale pink sky, feeling deep inside me a real sense of connectedness and peace. All of a sudden, a flock of birds rose up from the sea, their wings shimmering in the light, and bathed in the pink glow of the sky, They looked as if they could be a flock of angels...

I began to think about how many stories, myths and legends there are that involve birds... From the dove sent from Noah's ark, to the stork that brings the newborn baby, to the phoenix that rises from the ashes, birds seem to feature heavily in a rich diversity of folklore from almost since time began...

In Karelia (Finland) there was an ancient belief in the Sielulintu or Soul bird. The Sielulintu was thought to deliver the soul to newborn babies and to also transport the soul to the afterlife at the moment of death. It was believed the Sielulintu protected a person's soul at its most vulnerable; when dreaming. It was tradition to keep a carved wooden bird by the bedside to keep the soul safe during sleep. The "soul-bird" protected the soul from being lost in the paths of dreams...

I have a lovely little book called 'The Soul Bird'. by Michal Snunit, who was born on a Kibbutz, Ein Hahoresh, in Israel, which was established by her parents. Wikipedia explains that 'the relationship between ourselves and our soul is explained in this gentle, poetic story, which was written for children and has since become an international bestseller for all ages.' I thoroughly recommend it! In the meantime, here's an extract for you:

Soul Bird

Deep down,

inside our bodies,

lives the soul.

No one has ever seen it,

but we all know it's there.

Not only do we know it's there,

we know what's in it, too.

Inside the soul,

right in the very middle of it,

there is a bird standing on one foot.

This is the soul bird.

It feels everything we feel.

When someone hurts our feelings,

the soul bird runs round and round in pain

When someone loves us,

it hops and skips

up and down

backwards and forwards

When someone calls our name,

it listens carefully

to hear what kind of call it is.

When someone is angry with us,

it curls itself into a ball

and is silent and sad.

And when someone hugs us,

the soul bird, deep down inside,

grows and grows

until it almost fills us.

That's how good it feels when someone hugs us.

...

All of the above photos were taken around Warkworth, Northumberland one day in August 2010

Make sure to feed and nurture your soul bird, and listen to its unique song!

You Can Call Me Al...

2011-01-05T13:49:00.001Z

The pictures in this post are from http://www.josephinewall.co.uk/

I've probably posted this poem before in my previous blog, but it seemed to be calling out to be posted again (excuse the pun!):

The Call

I have heard it all my life,

A voice calling a name I recognized as my own.

Sometimes it comes as a soft-bellied whisper.

Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.

But always it says: Wake up my love. You are walking asleep.

There's no safety in that!

Remember what you are and let this knowing

take you home to the Beloved with every breath.

Hold tenderly who you are and let a deeper knowing

colour the shape of your humanness.

There is nowhere to go. What you are looking for is right here.

Open the fist clenched in wanting and see what you already hold in your hand.

There is no waiting for something to happen,

no point in the future to get to.

All you have ever longed for is here in this moment, right now.

You are wearing yourself out with all this searching.

Come home and rest.

How much longer can you live like this?

Your hungry spirit is gaunt, your heart stumbles. All this trying.

Give it up!

Let yourself be one of the God-mad,

faithful only to the Beauty you are.

Let the Lover pull you to your feet and hold you close,

dancing even when fear urges you to sit this one out.

Remember- there is one word you are here to say with your whole being.

When it finds you, give your life to it. Don't be tight-lipped and stingy.

Spend yourself completely on the saying.

Be one word in this great love poem we are writing together.

illustrations by Josephine Wall: http://www.josephinewall.co.uk/

Now, more than ever, seems to be a time of listening to our own inner voices, of being authentic and true to ourselves, and to spread ripples of love throughout the world... self-love, as well as love for each other; love for life, and for the wonderful world in which we live...

What do you think?
Have you heard the call?
Have you answered it?
...

Thinking in Pictures - 2010

2011-01-03T18:51:00.005Z

Welcoming in the New Year, and saying 'goodbye' to 2010. Newcastle ^

As you no doubt know by now, I love taking photos... In this blog, I've included a photo I've taken during each month of 2010, along with words by Sara Coleridge. Hope you enjoy!

The Months

(words by Sara Coleridge, photos by me)

January brings the snow,

Makes our feet and fingers glow.

New Years Day, 1st Jan 2010

February brings the rain,

Thaws the frozen lake again.

Kielder Water, 14th Feb 2010

March brings breezes loud and shrill,
stirs the dancing daffodil.

Mothers day, March 2010

April brings the primrose sweet,
Scatters daises at our feet.

Lake District, Easter; April 2010

May brings flocks of pretty lambs,

Skipping by their fleecy damns.

Evolution Festival, May 2010

June brings tulips, lilies, roses,

Fills the children's hand with posies.

Summer solstice sunset, June 2010

Hot july brings cooling showers,

Apricots and gillyflowers.

Kendal Calling festival, July 2010

August brings the sheaves of corn,

Then the harvest home is borne.

Holywell Dene, August 2010

Warm september brings the fruit,

Sportsmen then begin to shoot.

Allotment apples; Sept 2010

Fresh October brings the pheasants,

Then to gather nuts is pleasant.

Conker, October 2010

Dull November brings the blast,

Then the leaves are whirling fast.

Cemetery, November 2010

Chill December brings the sleet,
Blazing fire, and Christmas treat.

Cold December! 2010 - so cold, even the sea was frozen in places!

And finally, an extra one, below, of Newcastle Quayside, taken in October
- one of the joys of this year has been staying very close to home all year!

and so the journey continues - or is it just beginning?

2011-01-02T22:21:00.001Z

"It may be when we no longer know what to do,

we have come to our real work,

and that when we no longer know which way to go,

we have begun our real journey.”

– Wendell Berry

I've just started reading a book called 'Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness' by Jon Kyabat-Zinn. It has a rather daunting 600+ pages, but this is going to be a year in which I do a lot more reading, so I'm determined to get through it.

I was amused when I picked it up, as the turned-over corner of page 3 shows just how far I got on my last attempt to read it!

'Well, I'll get further than page 3 this time', I chortled to myself.

But, alas, I only got as far as the first paragraph, when I simply had to put the book down and share the quote (above).

It really resounded with me.

Just how far on am I in this (my) journey?

Has it even begun?

I certainly hope so!
Indeed, I certainly think so!

Anyway, I've been completely distracted now, and have looked up more quotes by Wendel Berry. Before I return to my book, I'll share this little pearl of wisdom with you:

The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.”

Wendell Berry

^ someone who has certainly added something better to my life - and journey!

All you need is love...

2011-01-02T14:59:00.001Z

Hello, and happy new year! I was going to write about the significance of the start of a new year and indeed decade, but this caught my attention instead, so I'd thought I'd share it - hope you like it as much as I do!

Love Sonnet LXXXIX

When I die, I want your hands on my eyes:

I want the light and the wheat of your beloved hands

to pass their freshness over me once more:

I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny.

I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep.

I want your ears still to hear the wind, I want you

to sniff the sea's aroma that we loved together,

to continue to walk on the sand we walk on.

I want what I love to continue to live,

and you whom I love and sang above everything else

to continue to flourish, full-flowered:

so that you can reach everything my love directs you to,

so that my shadow can travel along in your hair,

so that everything can learn the reason for my song.

by Pablo Neruda

It's in a lovely little book called 'Ten poems to open your heart', by Roger Housden

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Ten-Poems-Open-Your-Heart/dp/034082980X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1293979708&sr=8-1

Hope your year, and heart, are filled with love; today and always xx

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good-bye ~ 2010

2010-12-28T18:49:00.002Z

Hello again!

I'm sitting here writing this blog in the midst of the strange limbo land that is the week between Christmas Day and New Year. This week, I'm never quite sure what day it is, or what time it is, or what I should or shouldn't be eating and /or drinking. So far, since christmas dinner, I seem to have been surviving on a combination of liquorice, vegan chocolates, crisps and cold roast potatoes, along with the odd glass of mulled wine, buck's fizz and coca cola. I'm not even sure that I should be broadcasting this, what with me being a counsellor, but hey - it's christmas time, and I'm human, and it's surely ok to let go of all those 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts' at this time of year!

Christmas day was a lovely, simple affair. It started with the most gorgeous sunrise,^ and was rounded off with games of trivial pursuits and the like, in the evening. Hope you had a lovely day too...

Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts

~ Janice Maeditere

Now I'm feeling quite reflective. I'm glad that this year is almost over, and I'm filled with hope for the new year about to begin. I'm aware that I have spent a lot of time struggling through 2010, but it hasn't all been bad. In fact there have been some really happy times, despite the fact that it's been such a challenging year. So I decided to write a list of 10 highlights of the year - it's nice to remember the good times! Maybe you could do something similar? If you do, please feel free to share your list! Here's mine:

My 10 Highlights of 2010:

In no particular order...

1. Learning to play my ukulele! ^

2. Doing lots of baking! ^

3. Being so proud of Iona passing her GCSEs! ^

4. Some lovely days out in the summer ^

5. Maximo Park, at Split Festival

6. Being creative. Writing quite a bit, and taking lots of photos :-)

7. Lovely intimate Paul Smith gig, at RPM

8. Kendal Calling festival - definitely worth another visit! ^

9. Getting through what has been the most challenging year of my life. Learning so much, as a result...

10. Iona starting 6th form, and seeing her blossom more every day, and being so proud of her, and enjoying every moment of her being a teenager! ^

All in all, I have so much to be grateful for!

Gratitude is the memory of the heart ~

Jean Baptiste Massieu, translated from French

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice

~ Meister Eckhart

Let's continue to be grateful for all the opportunities that come our way in 2001...

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T18:52:00.000Z

'Twas the Night before Christmas'

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.

A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

We're bloody marvellous!...

2010-12-20T13:02:00.007Z

I went to see a film last night, at the lovely Star and Shadow cinema, in Newcastle

(http://www.starandshadow.org.uk/)

This is a little clip; it might very well become my personal mantra!

The film, A Taste of Honey, was the first play by Shelagh Delaney; written when she was 18. It was first intended as a novel, but she turned it into a play as she hoped to revitalise British theatre and to address social issues that she felt weren't being presented at the time.

Set in Manchester in the 1950s, the film comments on, and highlights, issues such as class, race, gender and sexual orientation, as well as teenage pregnancy.

Filmed in black and white, which adds an extra layer of depth and meaning, most of the shots are simply beautiful. Many are well worthy of being framed as still images - each picture able to tell its own story. There are also some beautiful lines; some quotations and near-quotations have been used by The Smiths and Morrisey, who is a big fan of the film.

"i dreamt about you last night and i fell out of bed twice"

Thoroughly recommended!

Simple Things...

2010-12-14T09:30:00.002Z

Each day is full of opportunites to find happiness in the simple things.

To love and be loved,

To share a smile...

To watch the sunshine peek out from behind a cloud...

To 'live out loud'...

To feel the wind on our skin...

To hear birds sing

And children laugh.

To smell our favourite smells;

Salty sea air

warm bread

fresh flowers...

So count the minutes, not the hours...

Make the most of every single day;

And make time to balance work

with play...

Another haiku for you...

2010-12-11T10:36:00.000Z

I'm not wanting to contradict myself, regarding what I've just written in my previous blog - but here's another festive haiku!

Christmas lights twinkling,

And, by the busy market,

A robin; singing.

Bah humbug ?!...

2010-12-11T10:26:00.002Z

"In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you."

- Deepak Chopra

An appropriate little quote for today I think, as people are no doubt rushing around Christmas shopping and the like...

I feel quite distanced from the hustle and bustle of it all, as I won't be doing any of that this year... I've stepped back from all the commercialism; I've taken a stand against consumerism, and I'm just not taking part in it all. This year, Christmas Day is going to be about me and Iona having a relaxing day, maybe watching a dvd, hopefully having a nice dinner, but mainly just having a reflective, chilled out day.

Partly it is out of necessity - I simply haven't got the money to buy anything, and I'm up to the limit on my credit card, so that isn't an option. Also, my family has shrunk to the extent that it feels that there are just the two of us now, and the main thing is that this year it's going to be quite a sober affair, as it's the first Christmas without Iona's dad. So it really is going to be a 'stripped back to the basics' kind of thing, but I'm quite looking forward to it, I think - albeit in quite a tentaive way.... I'm looking forward to baking, making sweets, maybe making creative little token presents for each other... It's going to be very different to previous Christmases, but it's quite liberating to realise that it doesn't have to be about spending far too much money, getting into debt, and getting far too stressed out.

Maybe it's time we all had a rethink about what Christmas really means to us, as individuals.

Make it simple; make it matter.

Above all, make sure you press the 'pause button' of life every now and then, so that you can breathe, relax and take stock - especially over the next couple of weeks leading up to the festivities...

At the end of the day, Christmas should be about spending quality time with people we love -and that is exactly what I'll be doing.

Snow-go

2010-12-10T16:13:00.002Z

After two and a half weeks of snow and ice, it's finally beginning to melt! I usually love the snow, but to be honest, I'm glad it's finally beginning to go - I was starting to feel a bit trapped by it - scared to go out by car, but even more scared to go out on foot, as I'm not a good ice-skater at the best of times, and as I've already fractured my coccyx previously (falling down stairs - a long time ago!), I certainly didn't want to risk fracturing anything else... It must be even more frightening for the elderly & vulnerable though...

Anyway, now that the conditions outside aren't so much of a distraction, I can start to focus on other things again. One thing that's struck me today (when I avert my thoughts from the shambles that is the government, along with the fact that my daughter's chances of going to uni now are practically zilch...) is the fact that we're already more than a week into December, but I'm not feeling at all festive - which is quite out of character for me.

Thinking back to previous years, previous blogs, I remember one December I did a daily festive haiku blog throughout December. Well I'm not going to inflict that on you again, but I think I might do the occasional sporadic seasonal haiku and photo - to try to get me in the festive mood, if nothing else...

So here goes - a couple of haikus for today (some of you might have seen these before, as they've been recycled from my previous blogs, etc, but maybe not the photos):

As sunshine returns

I'm soothed by the drip, drip, drip

Of the melting snow

Squirts of de-icer;

Frost melting before my eyes

As I drive away

Love this...

2010-12-10T10:28:00.003Z

Sometimes I listen to a song, and it seems to sum up perfectly just how I'm feeling at that moment. Yesterday, I was listening to Io Canto by Craig Armstrong and it really did echo my feelings.

I thought I'd post a video of it, but after listening to this one, I thought I'd share this instead.

It's beautiful and almost dreamlike...

When I come across something I like, I like to share it - whether it's a photo, poem, quote, song, or whatever...

Best Laid Plans...

2010-12-07T17:48:00.005Z

I’ve been feeling quite reflective now that December has arrived, and the year is almost over.

Thinking back to last December, I shake my head and smile at myself wryly – I was feeling so positive and optimistic, and so full of hope for the New Year about to begin – busily setting myself goals, compiling 'vision boards', and writing down a list of the key things I wanted to achieve during 2010. I was so determined that 2010 was going to be ‘my year’. It was going to be the year that I would finally get back on track after a tough few years following the death of my mum - including having to overcome several spanners that had been thrown in my direction ...

Unfortunately though, matters were taken entirely out of my hands after another completely unexpected and sudden bereavement in February. Vision boards, goals and the like were cast aside and forgotten about, as survival, and somehow getting through each day, became the only real concern for the rest of the year, as trauma after trauma rained down on me & my daughter relentlessly...

I am now breathing a big sigh of relief as the end of this ‘annus horribilis’ is now in sight – like a hopeful ray of light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. However, it hasn’t all been bad – we (Iona and I) have literally risen out of the ashes, intact and stronger than ever. I’m so proud of both of us for surviving what has been the worst year of our lives, for several different reasons. We have still managed to laugh and smile, despite the pain and anguish. Every day, we have found something to be thankful for, however small. We have refused to give up, and we have shown that we have more strength, more courage, than we could have ever dreamed was possible.

I have learned that it is possible to feel such pain, such sorrow, such fear, yet such joy and such a feeling of inner peace; all at the same time. It just goes to show how complex feelings are...

I have learned so much this year, and I’m grateful for that – obviously I would rather not have had to go through what I’ve been through, but everything happens for a reason, even if that reason doesn’t become apparent until a long time afterwards....

Anyway; back to today... Earlier today I was walking along by the sea, watching the waves crashing powerfully onto the snow and ice along the promenade. I felt really connected to the strength and force of nature (along with its gentler side). (In common with masculine and feminine energies, perhaps?) Also today, I’ve watched two flocks of geese fly over, and a flock of swans. It got me thinking that life is about survival. Despite adversity. Also, over the past few days I’ve been enjoying watching a little rock pipit coming into my garden to find food during the harsh winter weather. I feel a real sense of kindredness towards it – as if I can relate to what it’s like, trying to survive against the odds... Anyway – back to the sea. As I was walking along, trying to avoid being soaked by the waves, something inside me seemed to connect. Out of nowhere, my inner voice came booming out, loud and clear over the thundering waves...

‘You can achieve whatever you want to achieve!! Ok, this year has been tough, but you can make next year be so much better. You know you can. You’ve survived things you’d never dreamed you’d be able to survive. You have got what it takes. You just need to believe in yourself, be focussed and determined, and you can do it!!! You know you can. Make it happen!!! I am not prepared to go through yet another year of pain and struggle and hardship. You deserve so much better. We deserve so much better. Yes! Next year is going to be a good one! Don’t ever doubt yourself and your ability!!’

It felt so good to give myself a motivating pep talk! It highlights how true Carl Roger’s* philosophy is - that as unique individuals, we ourselves know best what is right for us. *(founder of the Person Centred Counselling approach).

~~~

Tip: Give yourself time to connect with your inner voice – and really listen to what it has to say!!

Quote:

Learn the richness of solitude and quiet. That "still small voice" is yearning to be heard -

Susan Jeffers

~~~

I think I'll end this post with a quote I have probably included in a previous blog:

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.

by Mary Anne Radmacher

Time and time again, this quote has helped me through this year. It reminds me that however fragile & however afraid I am, I do have the courage to get through - even if the amount of courage I have sometimes feels smaller than a tiny whisper... It's amazing what a difference a few simple words can make!

Ok, well that's all for now...

Let’s make 2011 the best year yet!

Riding on the storm - or trying to....

2010-11-18T17:37:00.017Z

I'm feeling quite fragile again today - probably because it would have been my mum's birthday... So much has changed since she died... I feel like I've had one loss after another - and every new loss brings back the pain of previous losses. So it's very much a case of going gently today...

I tried writing down how I feel, but I feel such a complex mix of emotions, that I can't seem to capture it accurately on paper... but here goes - this is what I came up with - it doesn't seem to flow very well... but I guess that's how life is - it doesn't always flow smoothly, does it?...

Riding the Storm

Huge foamy white waves

Crash around

In the stormy sea

Echoing the waves

Of emotions

Thrashing around

In me.

But I know the storm won't last.

The waves of turbulence will eventually pass

And I’ll smile once more.
With a strength as strong as
The ocean's
Powerful roar...

Universally Challenged...

2010-11-16T21:44:00.001Z

Over the years, I've come to realise that 'life is hard', as it says in Peck's book 'The Road Less Travelled'. It's a series of challenges - hard lessons to be learned - along with a few (well quite a lot, actually) nice bits woven in between. The more challenges I have been sent, the more I realise that it's the little everyday occurrences that bring about a real sense of happiness, despite the hard times.

If you read my blog / twitter / facebook pages regularly you probably know me well enough by now to know what makes me happy. But I'll reiterate some of these things anyway, because talking (writing) about happy things makes me happy. So do clouds, rainbows, raindrops, flowers, colours, ukuleles, blankets, wellies, puddles, donkeys, cats, smiles, and lots more...

But it's those challenging times that I want to write about today. And goodness knows, I've had lots of experience of challenging times - including several bereavements (2 of which were very sudden and traumatic) divorce, house repossession, family problems, conflict, financial problems, and so on...

For some of life's challenges, such as the above, it's a case of accepting that it's going to be a long process, working through the loss or whatever it is, and coping with the vast spectrum of emotions. It's about having faith, courage, hope, patience, persistence, strength, and whatever else you can muster up. However, sometimes it's the small, unexpected little everyday niggles that really take the wind out of my sails...

Take today and yesterday, for example.I had two nasty encounters - one with a neighbour yesterday, and yet another run in with the secretary of the allotment committee today. Both events really upset me and left me in a fragile state for several hours afterwards. 'Why?' I kept asking myself. 'Why am I letting these people get to me so much?' - I'm a peace-loving, quiet, gentle, sensitive type, and I hate confrontations of any kind. It really upset me that I couldn't just put these experiences out of my mind, let go and move on. Then I reflected on the type of people these two individuals are. Aggressive, bullying, cold, narrow minded and insensitive.

Then it dawned on me. Love and compassion are two of the important principles that I integrate into my daily life - intertwined with the reiki ideals. It dawned on me that if I was able to send reiki to the situation, along with love and compassion, it might somehow help. And of course, it did.

I imagined what it must be like to be these two individuals, apparently lacking in love and compassion, and I was able to actually feel empathy for them - and compassion. And I realised that I need to have compassion for myself too, and that I needed to give myself permission to step back and go gently with the flow. After all, I'm still fragile and in the process of coming to terms with one of the bigger challenges of life (several actually), so no wonder the smaller incidents had such an impact on me, Plus, we'd just scattered some of Micky's ashes on Sunday, so my emotions were already quite raw today and yesterday anyway...

Yes; love, compassion, and TLC are what I need right now, and it's my responsibility to make sure I give myself these things...

And so to end this blog, here's an apt quote from the Dalai Lama:

'In dealing with those who are undergoing great suffering, if you feel "burnout" setting in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself. The point is to have a long-term perspective.'

Autumn days, when the grass is jewelled...

2010-11-07T20:37:00.001Z

I love this time of year! - The crisp bright mornings, the fiery blazes of colour, the rustling, crunching sounds, the big fat raindrops, the blustery wind, bright scarves and mittens, warm jumpers, candlelight, cosy nights in, the lovely damp earthy smells, mulled wine, baking, berries on trees, bonfires, wellies, puddles - the list could go on and on, but I'll stop now before I get too carried away!

"Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all."

- Stanley Horowitz

Today was especially lovely - the sky was so blue, the air so clean, the sun shining so cheerfully - and everything was so still and serene... I took all the photos in this post this afternoon, around Ouseburn (Newcastle upon Tyne). Here are some more:

river of clouds! ^

^ Ten green bottles ...

owls about that then? ^

'under the bridge' ^

I have always preferred the reflection of the life to life itself ~ Francois Truffaut

^ '...Been caught in the middle...'

^ 'pinky blue'

^ '... wave goodbye' ...

♥

Bag lady ♥

I love all the different colours in these photos!

Graffiti...

2010-11-06T17:42:00.004Z

I must point out that most of these photos were taken by Iona ~ a link to her blog is at the side, in the 'blogs i read' section

I'm always drawn to graffiti - I really like the brightly coloured pictures that brighten up the edges of cities and suburbs ... sometimes though, it's the words that are really powerful...

The above pictures were taken down a little alley - both walls are covered in writing, & the more we looked at it, the more certain words jumped out. One day when we've got more time, we're going to read the whole lot..

This (above) was written on a pavement in another part of the city centre. I felt quite sorry for Paul, who was for some reason, on the outside. It reminded me of a poem I wrote a couple of years ago:

Always ... Or Sometimes?

Always on the outside

Looking in.

Wanting to be part of it

But not quite fitting in.

Listening, watching

But not sure what to say.

Words don't come easily to me;

It's just my way.

Feeling awkward, self conscious and

Shy.

I feel so different

But I'm not sure

Why.

I try to accept that we can't all be the same;

But being a loner

Is a lonely game...

(Sometimes)...

.... I wanted to finish with someting more positive! ^

The Bigger Picture - video...

2010-11-02T23:58:00.002Z

This follows on from the previous blog - I made this (very amateurish!) video too...

The Bigger Picture ...

2010-11-02T23:42:00.003Z

I spent a lovely half hour or so this afternoon sitting on some steps watching the sea for a while & I wrote this:

The Bigger Picture

Sitting here,

Gazing out at the ocean,

Listening to the calling gulls

and the soothing rhythm

Of the rolling waves,

I feel so small

And yet

So big.

Part of the bigger picture

That we are all

Part of;

However big

Or small

We actually feel...

~~~

We are all bound together in the rich tapestry of life.

Connected as one by the rhythms of life...

...

Beside the seaside, beside the sea...

2010-10-31T22:15:00.006Z

As you no doubt all know by now, I love the sea ... so, on that theme, I thought I'd share these poems - they're not by me! - I might have posted them before - sorry if I have!

Hope you enjoy them x

~~~~

Sea Fever

John Masefield

I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.

The Sea

JAMES REEVES

The sea is a hungry dog.

Giant and grey.

He rolls on the beach all day.

With his clashing teeth and shaggy jaws

Hour upon hour he gnaws

The rumbling, tumbling stones,

And ‘Bones, bones, bones, bones!’

The giant sea-dog moans,

Licking his greasy paws.

And when the night wind roars

And the moon rocks in the stormy cloud,

He bounds to his feet and snuffs and sniffs,

Shaking his wet sides over the cliffs,

And howls and hollos long and loud.

But on quiet days in May and June,

When even the grasses on the dune

Play no more their reedy tune,

With his head between his paws

He lies on the sandy shores,

So quiet, so quiet, he scarcely snores.

Pretending....

2010-10-29T15:32:00.006+01:00

this photo was taken by Iona

Pretending ...

Sometimes

I feel that if I

Can just keep on

Moving

I'll forget

For a little while

Or pretend that

It didn't

Happen.

I'll pretend that you're still here,

Washing dishes and

Making me marmite toast

And chamomile tea...

But I know I can't really

Fool anyone

- Especially not me.

But sometimes

It's nice to

Pretend....

Denial / disbelief is a common theme in the grieving process - even months after the bereavement we can still be struck by a feeling of disbelief - it's so hard to believe that this has happened - that our loved one has really gone. Eventually, we reach some sort of acceptance and we gradually adapt to life without that person ...

The sky at night...

2010-10-27T18:12:00.001+01:00

I tend to take more photos of the view from the front window as it (the sea) is much nicer than the view out the back (the back-lane) - but I loved the sky last night out the back, so here is a rare photo from the back window (above)...

Twilight drops her curtain down, and pins it with a star

~Lucy Maud Montgomery

waving .. not drowning

2010-10-27T12:12:00.004+01:00

Tidal Waves...

Somtimes

The grief

Overwhelms me

So much

I feel like it's

Impossible

To fight.

So I surrender for a while

And let the tidal waves strike.

But I don't give in.

Grief is like the sea - it seems to go on for ever - it sometimes seems like there's no end in sight. Sometimes it comes in waves and waves, but sometimes it's calm and almost soothing, ... Sometimes, I almost forget it's there... sometimes I know that it's there, but it doesn't seem to be too significant. Sometimes, a storm rises up from nowhere, then slides away just as quickly as it arrived... It gives me strength, it puts things in perspective, it lets me see that the storm will pass... It shows me that this is part of the bigger picture ... part of the rythmn of life.... it is character-building... it makes me strong. But I don't have to be strong all of the the time...

The Black Crows...

2010-10-26T16:31:00.000+01:00

(no, not the band!)

This is going to be a short little blog - all I have to say is this:

I saw two crows having a bath in a puddle today. It made me smile.

These pics are from today's walk - it's a bit of a gloomy kind of day today.

Maybe that's why it was so nice to have something to smile about...

Thinking too much...

2010-10-25T22:25:00.007+01:00

... Sometimes I have so many ideas, words, pictures, thoughts & feelings going round and round in my head, that it's just too much - it can get so overwhelming...

Nowadays, I nearly always carry a pen, notebook & camera with me, and it definitely helps to get some of it out of my head by writing it down on paper...

Sometimes though, the thoughts keep coming, and I have to go out for a walk to try to clear my head. That's just what I did today, but even then, the thoughts wouldn't stop, so I had to sit down on a bench for a while, and write until my mind quietened down...

I took the photos in this post when I was wandering around Tynemouth. I've always loved watching the waves crash over the pier - I remember being taken there often when I was a child - I was never very enthusiastic about walking along the pier, beacuse it was always so cold & windy ... but I was quite disappointed that the gates were locked today, and I had to make do with gazing between metal railings...

Anyway, here are some snippets of what was going round in my head today:

...Sometimes I think I take myself a bit too seriously.

Sometimes I think I take everything too seriously.

Sometimes, I think I think too much.

Sometimes, I seem to get lost in my thoughts.

Sometimes, I think I need to spend less time thinking

And more time being...

But maybe thinking is being?...

It's late afternoon.

I'm sitting here,

By the pier,

On a bench

In the late October sun.

It feels strangely warm

But, at the same time, cold.

I listen to the roaring sea.

It feels alive;

Real.

I feel alive;

Real.

I watch ships come and go.

I watch people come and go.

'What is their story?'

I wonder.

'How do they feel?'

I feel the wind on my face.

I feel alive

And somehow

Everything makes sense.

But, at the same time,

Nothing does.

How does that feel?

Maybe, I think,

Maybe

It feels real

- Whatever that is ...

It doesn't really make sense, does it?! ... But it doesn't have to! - And that is so liberating!...

The soul, like the moon...

2010-10-25T15:02:00.004+01:00

The moon has been especially beautiful these last few days... I seem to feel a lot more creative in the days leading up to a full moon - does anyone else notice this too?

Anyway, I was having a read through one of my poetry books yesterday, and I really liked this one, so I thought I'd share it:

The Soul, like the moon...

The soul, like the moon,

is new, and always new again.

And I have seen the ocean

continuously creating.

Since I scoured my mind

and my body, I too, Lalla,

am new, each moment new.

My teacher told me one thing,

live in the soul.

When that was so,

I began to go naked,

and dance.

by Lal Ded

- you can find out about her here:

http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/D/DedLal/

and here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lalleshwari

The book I'm reading is: 'Soul Food: Nourishing poems for starved minds'

some rules for life...

2010-10-23T11:05:00.000+01:00

This morning I came across something I'd saved to my desktop a while ago - '40 tips for a better life'...

I've no idea where it came from, but I quite like it - it's a good template for living a fulfilling life, so I thought I'd share it - I've tweaked some of it a little bit, and added a little bit here and there.

The photos I've added are from a day out last month.

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Sleep for 7 hours as often as possible.

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

5. Play more, draw more, write more & read more.

6. Make time to practice meditation, yoga (and prayer) on a daily basis.

7. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

8. Feel the fear and do it anyway!

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink plenty of water.

12. Try to make someone smile each day.

13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

14. Forget and let go of issues of the past.

15. Don't have negative thoughts. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

16. Realise that life is a school - you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

18. Smile and laugh more.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Forgive.

26. Don’t worry about what other people think of you.

27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

28. Stay in touch.

29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

30. Envy is a waste of time.

31. Follow your dreams.

32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up.

33. Do the right thing.

34. Be happy.

35. Each day give something good to others; even if it’s ‘just’ a smile.

36. Don't overdo. Keep your limits.

37. Don’t have regrets.

38. Be true to yourself.

39. Clear out clutter so that energy can flow.

40. At the end of every day, reflect on what has been good – and be grateful for that.

What do you think?

Is there anything else that you'd add to the list?

~~~

je ne regrette rien...

2010-10-20T21:39:00.000+01:00

Today has been a lazy kind of day, so I thought I'd do a quick blog so that I've accomplished something ... but I have no regrets about being a bit lazy - sometimes it's good to just step back for a while...

Anway, here are some more haikus I wrote a while ago:

Listening to the clock

Time's slowly slipping away

But where does it go?

~~~

I loved you so much

Even when it turned to hate

But now it's too late.

~~~

Your hand on my face

In a brief stolen moment -

A tender embrace...

~~~

ah, life is so bittersweet, isn't it... ho-hum...

Anyway, getting back to the theme of regrets, I just want to say - make the most of every moment - if there's something you want to do, or say, then do it or say it!

But if you don't, then don't go beating yourself up over it. Life is too short to have regrets.

If you didn't do or say something when you had the chance, maybe you didn't want it enough - if you had wanted it enough, you surely would have done it or said it.

Regardless, we can learn from the experience, and make a point of making the most of future opportunities.

For me, part of the learning process is to write about it - usually in my journal - and to spend a little time reflecting on it - and then I (try to!) let go and move on...

Finally, here's a little video (not by me!)

thicker than water?

2010-10-18T17:20:00.004+01:00

'Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes'
~ Gloria Naylor

xmas 1971 - me, dad, and my sister...

You knocked on the door

Looking old and dishevelled and
Heavy.
You needed a shave and
Haircut.
You said you missed us.
But you didn't say
'Sorry'.
Maybe you never will.
You walked away with
Shoulders stooped.
I felt sad and
Heavy.
'I miss you too'
I whispered
As you faded out of
View...

(Oct 2010)
~~~~

I had to include a pic with my mum too! 1971. <3